Matters Of The Heart

Birth Mothers are: your neighbor, a teenager, a woman, a sister, a friend, a mother, an acquaintance, a best friend, a daughter, a selfless person, a christ-like person, a loving person, a person who needs your support not judgement, courageous, spiritually guided, beautiful, human, a person you go to school with, a person you work with, and most importantly A DAUGHTER OF A KING!
How should WE act towards them?
We should: Honor them, love them support them, care for them, hug them, be their friend, help them during their time of need and most of all... be grateful for knowing them! All my birth mother friends have blessed my life! Knowing a birth mother will do that for you!

1. Tell as many people as possible that you are hoping to adopt. You never know when a friend of a friend knows a birth mom searching. (This includes family, friends, people from church, neighbors, customers, patients, clients, former college friends, social groups, distant relatives, high school acquaintances, employers, employees, co-workers, doctors, dentists, attorneys, accountants, bankers, insurance agents, realtors and any other you run into)

2. Send out letters sharing your hopeful news and request for them to keep your info handy and ready to share

3. Email Signature: Go to your settings on your email account to create an email signature. It will show up on every email you send with a link to your adoption blog. (its also a great reminder)

4. Pass along Cards: these are a great way to spread the word that your hoping to adopt. It should include your adoption website, email address, agency online profile and a picture.
Pass along cards should be on you at all times.
Places to leave or put your pass along cards are:
Everywhere you can. With your banker, in your bills, christmas cards and even teachers or staff. Get creative... there is NO wrong place!
Places to post them (bulletin boards): Libraries, Grocery Stores, Laundramats, Apartments, Cafes, Car Washes, Health Care Professinals, OB/GYN, Pediatricians, Dentist, Hair dressers,Lawyers and schools.

5.Blogs or Websites: Do's & Don'ts
DO:
Keep your pictures up to date
Keep your messages brief and meaningful
Answer the common questions :
Why are you choosing to adopt?
Where you live? (state, not address)
Your feelings on gender, race and special needs of a child you want to adopt
Level of openness you are comfortable with after placement.
Stay positive in your posts
Tell your story: keep it brief but include your background, how you met, and any experiences you have had already with adoption.
Write a letter to the Birth parents: be sensitive to the feelings of the birth parents. (put yourself in their shoes) Be sincere and honest.
Include your individual hobbies and interests
Contact info: To avoid getting spam, don't write out your email address anywhere on your blog or website. Use contact information from your agency. This can also protect you from being scammed.

DON'T:
Don't mention your employer, salary, home or work phone numbers.

Don't make a hasty decision, no matter how anxious you are for a child. Don't over commit to anyone until your case worker has had time to check out the situation.

Don't give money, it should only be given through your agency.

Don't GIVE UP :)

If your considering adoption, check out hopingtoadopt.org its a great site that will show you many wonderful couples/families that are hoping to adopt.

My name is Karine and I made this blog because I wanted to share the many things I have learned so far in my adoption journey. (just for the record, I am a hopeful adoptive parent, have not yet been chosen or blessed by a birth mothers love) At first I didn't understand the selfless love these woman were capable of. The strength they had to do the right thing for their child. I didn't understand who these woman were, how they came to these choices and why it is important to have an open adoption. I was uneducated and my fears were that "OPEN" meant the birth parents could come in and take my child from me or that they would want to be the parent and over step their boundaries. NONE OF THIS IS TRUE!!!!!! It is really important that people know this!!!!!! That they realize adoption is about the CHILD. The LOVE for the child. These woman are amazing women!!!!! Sadly many of these woman are not appreciated enough, respected enough or loved enough for their selfless act of love for the child they brought into this world. I took some educational classes on open adoption and about birth mothers through my adoption agency, LDS Family Services. There was a wonderful birth mother panel one night. I think those are the most effective classes ever! There sat before me were 7 amazing women who chose to place their child with families. ONLY 2 out of the 7 had a wonderful experience with their adoptive couples they chose. Only 2 had an open adoption after papers were signed and the child was placed. ONLY 2 actually received what they were told they would in the relationship with the adoptive family. The rest thought they were going to be able to have an open adoption, but shortly after papers were signed, things were closed off for them. IT BROKE MY HEART to see these woman so badly treated, mislead and lied to. Their heart ache was felt by all those in that room that night. My husband and I sat there with streams of tears flowing down our cheeks. These woman I have come to LOVE AND RESPECT! They are AMAZING to me! I am BLESSED for knowing them! The more I learned the more I realized that these woman don't want to come and take the child back. They just want to be apart of watching the child grow up. They don't want to play MOMMY either. They want to be recognized for who they are, the BIRTH MOTHERS! The wonderful woman who brought these children into the world. They have the RIGHT to LOVE this child as any adoptive parent through out the child's life! The child deserves to have BOTH his Mother's Love, to know where he/she came from.
I know that our birth mother will be able to give our child something I may not be able to give that child, a sense of where they came from. To have an open adoption to me, means making my birth mother family. She will be my friend/sister. We will communicate a lot... our feeligns and thoughts. She will know how I feel and if i am uncomfortable with anything and I will know what her needs are. If she needs more pictures, more communication, even visits or if she needs space. To me, open adoption is about love and the child. Giving that child the best of both worlds. More people to love him/her and to be apart of his/her life. More understanding of how special they are and how Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for all of us and some of them come through the gift of a birth mothers love.

It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.

~Joan McNamara

Angels are among us
They are sent from God above
I know of many Angels here
With such a Christ-like love
They are selfless, loving women
That carry priceless, sacred lives
Who help complete Forever Families
That could not have otherwise
You are among these Angels
That has this priceless gift
True love and understanding
The Lord has blessed you with
You have Angels with you
They are always by your side
To lead and guide you through
Your selfless sacrafice
Know the Lord has chosen you
To be special in this way
To bless another family
With a gift they can not repay
So let this Angel remind you
Of the AMAZING WOMAN YOU ARE!!!
Your light and grace will always shine
More brilliant than a star.
By Karine Mikesell

If you have any questions you would like to ask our birth mother panel or have an open adoption story you would like to share. Please email me at crazy7bunch@cableone.net