tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12415183226445795962024-03-12T19:13:30.873-07:00Matters Of The HeartThis blog was made to share Open Adoption stories and to educate others on the gift Open Adoption brings to all those involved.Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-2467331775615858422012-08-30T07:50:00.001-07:002012-08-30T07:50:17.902-07:00If you or someone you know, would like to share your open adoption story, please feel free to email me at <a href="mailto:crazy7bunch@cableone.net">crazy7bunch@cableone.net</a><br />
If you chose adoption and you didn't do open and want to share how you still felt what you chose was right, you may also write to me and I will get it up :) Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-15175963943698515672011-07-06T16:22:00.000-07:002011-07-06T16:38:36.860-07:00The Family that felt like "HOME"My family taught me to love deeply and with all my soul, and I took that lesson to heart. I knew I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I knew my children would be my life, and that I would love them just as deeply as my mother loved me. I never realized that loving someone could mean giving up everything I wanted.<br /> I met J. in high school, we had met in passing a few years before when he moved into town and then quickly moved away again. We started dating in December 2001; in late June 2002 I found out I was pregnant. I was barely 16.<br /> I was exstatic, knowing I would finally be a mother as I had always dreamed of being. My parents were wary, supporting me while still trying to make me understand the gravity of the situation. I walked on a cloud of euphoria for 2 months or so, and when J. proposed to me I said “yes”. My sister was the first to suggest adoption, during a visit with her in Utah during that time. She berated me for not thinking of the well being of my child over my own, and I was angry at her for not being more understanding. I was offended at the thought of “giving up” my baby. I would find out later that she was struggling with infertility, and I don’t know how she found the courage to even talk to me. My other sister was also pregnant and due a week or so after me, talk about a double blow. <br /> I moved forward with my plans for our lives, getting secondhand baby clothes and accessories from friends and dreaming of my baby boy. We picked a name for him, Dawson, and we thought of all the wonderful things he would be and do. We wondered if he would have my red hair, or J.’s athletic build, we waxed romantic about our future marriage and the baby that would make it all happen. Then on a warm day in September, J. told me he had made a mistake. He had cheated on me with one of my best friends a few weeks earlier while we were all at my house; I had been asleep at the time. We fought, and I gave his ring back, only to accept it once again when he apologized. I couldn’t tell my parents, couldn’t trust my friends, and couldn’t believe what had happened. I tried to move on, but J. disappeared too much, wasn’t as interested in me or the baby anymore, even threatened to break up with me. One morning I woke, stressed from a night of wondering where he had gone, knowing in my heart it was not good. I felt the baby kick furiously, then go still, I didn’t feel him again for a few hours and I was freaking out. My mom drove me to the Doctor and we found that I was in pre-term labor. I would need to be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, taking drugs to stop the contractions and getting periodic ultrasounds.<br /> It was at this point that I realized what was at stake. Not just my own life, my own heart, but also the well being of this tiny boy inside my belly. I sat on my bed that day, stroking the bulge in my abdomen, talking to my Dawson and asking him what I was supposed to do. The answer came, but not from my belly, just a whisper in my head that said “What about adoption?”. I was about 7 months along, giving me 2 months (if that) in order to make my decision. I thought about my relationship with J. and how he would react, I thought about my parents, but mostly I thought about this beautiful boy I loved more than my own life. I knew that if he stayed with me, he would watch me break under the infidelity in my relationship. He would see how his father treated his mother, he would learn from that one way or another. When we broke up, he would have to deal with separate parents, each struggling to get by without an education or any resources. We would have to rely on our parents, probably living with them while we tried to provide for him. I knew what I wanted for his life: a mother and father who loved each other, who knew how to respect one another, and would provide the loving home he deserved. I knew I wanted him to learn to be a man from someone who knew what that meant. I wanted him to have a mother who could be with him, rather than working to make ends meet. I had to admit that I was unable to provide any of that…<br /> So I made a choice that would change the course of many lives, and a choice that would forever alter who I am. I talked to J. and told him what he needed to hear to agree with me. I searched through what felt like hundreds of packets, birth mom letters, pictures, stats of families whose faces blurred in my mind. None felt right, but I found one couple that was what I thought I wanted. My LDSFS caseworker contacted them, arranged a meeting, only to find out last minute that they had moved. I would have to wait, possibly months, until after the baby was born. I knew I couldn’t do that, if he came home with me he would be with me forever. So we moved on, searching even more packets. I stopped reading letters, simply looking at faces and stats, then placing each family in the “No pile” or the “Maybe pile”. One day in the midst of this process I came across one group of pictures that popped out at me. A lovely couple with one biological daughter who was 8 years old. Their pictures were vibrant, their smiles inviting, and their love seemed to explode off the black-and-white photocopy. I did not read the birth mom letter; I simply set the packet aside. I realized later that this had become my “Yes pile”. We arranged a meeting, and just 2 weeks before my due date we met. At that moment I felt a tug in my heart, and I could not question that this was my baby’s family. They felt like home to me.<br /> The last week in January came, my sister had her baby boy a bit early, and my due date came and went. Two days after he was due to arrive, Dawson entered the world just before noon on January 29th. He was a whopping 10 pounds 11.5oz, healthy and beautiful. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4L9XJKmz7lg/ThTuWqhNuoI/AAAAAAAADAU/JDmQ5EOlXC4/s1600/goodbye.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 297px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4L9XJKmz7lg/ThTuWqhNuoI/AAAAAAAADAU/JDmQ5EOlXC4/s400/goodbye.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626383907630725762" /></a><br /> I had 3 cherished days with him. I can recall almost every moment. Friends and family came and went, but I only had eyes for one baby boy. On February 2nd, I woke knowing these were my last hours with my baby. Those hours flew by; we dressed him and readied ourselves for the ordeal ahead. We cried a lot, told him how much we loved him, gave him a few last gifts, then placed him in a bassinet and rolled him down the hallway to a small meeting room. There was his family; his mother’s tears seemed like small echoes of my own. I picked up my baby one last time, kissed him and handed him to his mother.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hg8wMs8TRAs/ThTuWeNUOmI/AAAAAAAADAM/3E4Qeb2gMNo/s1600/firstkiss.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hg8wMs8TRAs/ThTuWeNUOmI/AAAAAAAADAM/3E4Qeb2gMNo/s400/firstkiss.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626383904326040162" /></a><br /> I don’t remember what was said after that, my mind was preoccupied with the screaming pain in my heart. I remember being numb, and the trip home from the hospital is a blur. I watched a lot of TV that afternoon, but I don’t remember what was on. That night I broke down when my Dad hugged me good night. I felt broken for quite a long time after that. J never did mend his cheating ways, but I clung to him as the one person I felt could understand my grief. We stayed together and just after Dawson’s first birthday we had a visit with him. His name was different, and he was not my little baby anymore, bursting my little bubble of grief-filled memory. I think that was the first time I felt like I was healing. I saw his happiness as permission to have my own, and a few months later J. and I broke up for good. I moved on to other relationships and other life lessons. I had my heart broken, and my life changed in ways I never imagined. I moved away from my home state, toward better opportunities. I also grew much closer to Dawson’s family, I have come to love them and think of them as my family as well. I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to have them in my life, and each time I see them I love them even more. <br /> That baby boy is long gone, and the little man he has become is just as I would expect him to be. I still get a little sad thinking of the things I have missed, but I have never doubted that he is where he belongs. I have a child of my own now, and she fills my life with light, but he will always be my first love. I am still in awe of him, and he will always be my baby, but I am not his mother. I was never meant to be.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FPdpzu8q4Jc/ThTuWNlNR7I/AAAAAAAADAE/gisR8SMWrFU/s1600/april2011052_2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 304px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FPdpzu8q4Jc/ThTuWNlNR7I/AAAAAAAADAE/gisR8SMWrFU/s400/april2011052_2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626383899862845362" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PB3PovlYb4Q/ThTuV2BCeII/AAAAAAAAC_8/UkUbgCfuECE/s1600/april2011039.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 322px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PB3PovlYb4Q/ThTuV2BCeII/AAAAAAAAC_8/UkUbgCfuECE/s400/april2011039.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626383893537126530" /></a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-63411802992052182962011-05-17T12:55:00.001-07:002011-05-17T12:57:29.510-07:00A must READ...Carol, on my birth mother panel, came across this and thought I would like to share this story with you all. Take a moment and read it. SO SWEET! <br />Thanks CAROL !!! <br /> Click <a href="http://drlaura.com/Letters/EmailoftheDay/tabid/105/EntryId/15307/I-AM-HERE.aspx">HERE</a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-32303660633559656642011-05-15T06:51:00.002-07:002011-05-15T06:52:04.658-07:00Questions and answers from a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom<span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">1. What brought you to adoption?</span></em></strong><br /></span><span style="color:#990000;">( Birth Mom)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s1600/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 338px; HEIGHT: 396px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689932121832962" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s400/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg" /></a><br />Well. I was single and pregnant. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to LDS Family Services to talk to a counselor and so I did. And I wasn't so sure on adoption for about the first 4 months of my pregnancy. It was mentioned here and there but it always made mad or sad. I was very closed minded at first. But my heart began to soften as soon as I found out that Valery and Dustinn were looking to adopt.</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">(Adoptive Mom)<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s1600/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 255px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689940108457970" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s400/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Like many other couples, infertility brought us to adoption.<br />We had been blessed with one biological son but hoped for more children. Starting the adoption process felt natural and right.<br /><br />Back in 2004, I was a senior at BYU. I was walking home from class one day and saw a toddler, wearing just a diaper, running back and forth across the street. I carried him to the side of the road and hung out with him until I met his mother. His mother, "N" was in dire straits. "N" and I became friends but even more so, her son "Angel" and I became friends. I'd regularly pick him up to go to the park or McDonald's. Sometimes when I returned with Angel I couldn't find "N" and Angel would stay with me (and my college roommates, haha) overnight.<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s1600/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 265px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689924010056818" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s400/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Dustinn came into the picture and together we continued to visit Angel as "N" hopped from place to place in the Salt Lake valley, and as Angel was in and out of foster care.<br /><br />In 2008 "N" and Angel moved again, except this time no one knew where they went. I haven't seen or heard from "N" or Angel since. But I miss him. I still keep my eyes peeled for him when we're in Utah. I can't help but think about how old he's turning every December 16th. I wonder what he's like and how he is doing in school. I wonder if anyone is helping him with his homework and reminding him that he is good and smart and important.<br />Dustinn and I pray that he's okay because we know often he was not.<br />The moral of this story is twofold:<br />1. I knew long ago that a child did not have to be biologically mine to love him/her with all my heart.<br />2. I know what it's like to wonder how a child is doing. We wouldn't ever want Stefanie to feel like that. While we're aware that open adoption isn't for everyone, it was important to us that Stefanie had that option.<br /></span><br /><em><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>2.What do you want out of the adoption relationship with each other. </strong></span></em><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I wanted a really close friendship like BFF's. Someone I can call and talk to even if I was having a bad day and needed a friend. I think our friendship has blossomed more and I think of Val as like my soul sister. :) </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Stef appreciates updates, pictures, visits and generally to have a continuing relationship with Olivia.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;">We don't have any expectations of things we'd like Stefanie to do for us/Olivia. However, she has done many wonderful and thoughtful things for us. She loves us and Bradshaw. She remembers and cares about important things in our life. She makes us feel special by spending time with us.<br />Generally, everyone in the adoption triad wants respect, understanding, patience and forgiveness (Dustinn and I are most definitely fallible!)<br />We are hopeful that an open adoption will help comfort and reassure Stefanie of her choice. We are hopeful that an open adoption will give Olivia answers, confidence and peace.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>3.What do you both want for the child that was placed for adoption? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I want her to be happy and to know that she's always loved from all different sorts of families. Your blood doesn't define your family. It's those that are closest to you. I want her to WANT to know where she comes from and that it's an awesome thing that she's adopted<br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></strong><em><strong>(Incidentally, prior to Olivia's birth we were on a long car ride with Stefanie and we all took turns making wishes for Olivia.)<br /></strong></em>Olivia's just a toddler now. We want her world to be warm, welcoming, friendly. We want Olivia to feel safe.<br />As she grows, we want her to be able to discover her talents and interests and to find joy and fulfillment in using them to help others.<br />We want her to know that she is a beloved daughter of God. That she is of divine worth.<br />We want her to know that God was aware of her birth and life. That He will hear and answer her prayers.<br />We want her to have the confidence that comes from knowing who she is and knowing what life is about.<br />We want her to know that she is dearly loved by her parents, siblings, birth mom, birth dad, and all of her extended family (birth family definitely included.)<br />We want her to know being adopted makes her special. </span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">4.How is your relation ship with each other?<br /></span></em></strong><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom) With Val (the adoptive mom) We're like sisters. With Olivia (birthdaughter) she's only 13 months old. But I know she'll always grow up knowing who I am and that we'll be super close. Not so much a mother/daughter relationship but maybe like an aunt/niece relationship. Sounds weird. I hated that idea at first. But it makes sense.</em></strong> </span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(</em></strong><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong><em>Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> <strong><em>Good! Right, Stef?<br /></em></strong>We communicate primarily via email. Which works really well for me. (While I am not a shy person. I tend to shy away from the phone.)<br /><br />Stefanie lives in Utah, where a lot of my extended family also lives so we've visited Utah several times in the past year and have typically been able to see Stefanie and her family multiple times each visit. So we've had the chance to meet and get to know her boyfriend/fiance/now husband, to play games (hurrah for Kingsburg!) and catch up in person. </span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><em>5. What would be advice you would give to other</em> <em>women considering adoption? </em></span></strong></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> It's hard and take the time to know you're doing what's best for YOU and for YOUR BABY. You will be affected by it but your baby will be affected more by your choices. I would advise you to do a pro/cons list. Get counseling. Go to groups, if there are any available in your community. Write in your journal. Pray often. Do what it is that will help you.<br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>6. What would be your advice to other hopeful adoptive couples? </strong></em></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong> After having gone through the adoption process and meeting so many wonderful couples. I know that you all have that precious spirit waiting to be born with you. And they're as excited as you are. I know times will be tough and it'll get discouraging but don't lose faith.<br />My other advice (it's going to be kind of harsh and to the point): Do NOT lead your birthmom on. Do NOT promise her something that you can't follow through with. Do NOT promise her an open adoption with all intentions to close it up after. We canNOT have PEACE without all the PIECES. A birthmom will find you that will fit into your family if that's what you like. Be true to yourself. We made all the promises and followed through with the adoption and gave you what you wanted. All we ask is that you return the favor. If you don't feel comfortable with an open adoption, research it. Find out more about it. You are most likely feeling uneasy because of the unknown. It's a wonderful experience and you would truely miss out and so will your future child.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Keep a journal! Daily if possible. You will go through the whole gamut of emotions and see miracles that you'll want to remember--and even more so you'll experience things that you'll want to be able to tell your adopted child.<br />The more you write, the more you'll see.<br />I would especially note the "warm fuzzies" (such as sweet quotes your child's birth family says, special connections you have with the birth family, first impressions, etc.)<br />Plus, you never know if something you've written will someday be an answer your child seeks.<br /></span><br /></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><strong>7. How open is your adoption? What does OPEN mean to you? </strong></em><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I think it's super open. We don't live in the same state. But being as far away as we are, it's still close. We actually knew each other before. Dustinn (adoptive dad) is best friends with my brother in-law. And they found out I was pregnant and looking at options through my sister. I knew they were the perfect family already. Before I had Olivia, I flew out to Virginia and stayed with them for a week. Me and Val would call each other and E-mail. We both blog and she sends me pictures or will tell me something new about Olivia and sends me updates. It's awesome. When they're in town, we see each other. They let me babysit Olivia a few days after I had Olivia.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em> I believe it would be labeled as <em><strong>"very open."<br /></strong></em>We've seen each other many times since Olivia's been born. We've been in each other's homes. We love each other's extended family. We follow each other's blogs. We send pictures and give updates. We talk on the phone but mostly email.<br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>8. What does your Open adoption look like today? Has anything changed? More open? Less open?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> Today. It hasn't changed much. Except that our schedules are just so busy. She is taking care of two kids. I recently just got married. But when we have time we will E-mail. It's so convient just when you're on the computer and you only have a short amount of time that you can always get back on and E-mail back when you have time. I feel bad if she calls and I can't answer and I don't call back. And I don't want Dustinn or Val to feel obligated that they have to call me back right away and that I'll be angry forever. I know they'll get back to me when they can. They're great. I'm sure we're both nervous about stepping on eachother's toes but nothing too horrible has gone wrong. Haha. </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> It's only been a year. I guess the biggest change is my husband is now an MBA student--so we're on a student budget and will be traveling less this year than we did last year. Otherwise nothing has changed.<br />Equally open.<br /><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>9. What were your insecurities about placing for adoption and about adopting? </strong></em></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I was afraid that Olivia wouldn't know that I loved her or that I didn't know who I was. That Dustinn and Val decided that I was somehow a threat (or a psycho) to her and their family and would cut off all contact. I'm afraid that later on that when Olivia gets older that she will choose on her own that she doesn't want contact with me. I don't want it to be that somehow a huge fight will happen and we won't ever talk to each other again.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> -First we worried that we wouldn't be chosen by a birth mother.<br />-Shortly after Stefanie chose us, she flew from Utah to Virginia to spend time with us. I was worried if my bath tub was clean. I was worried if my cooking tasted good. I worried whether she was bored. I was worried about what she thought of our parenting. Mostly, I was worried if it was a week long interview. (Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Within hours of Stef arriving, she saw our son's worst behavior. ever. And she still placed with us!!! The week was extremely fun: the highlights being the times she opened up to us regarding what she was feeling and thinking.)<br />-During Stefanie's pregnancy, we worried about placement HARD. Every woman who goes through that is a superhero in my book.)<br />-Now, mostly we worry about letting Stefanie down. Not in terms of parenting or who we are. More in terms of maintaining the relationship (ie sending enough/the right pictures, finding the balance between visiting Stefanie without neglecting other relatives we have in Utah, etc.)<br />(And new worries will likely crop up as Olivia grows up. :)<br /></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>10. How are you (the birth mom) known to the child? Are you called by name? a nickname? Are you known as the birth mom?<br /></strong></em></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I'm just Stefanie. Nothing to special right now just because Olivia is barely one. I'm sure she'll just know me as Stefanie and she'll know that I'm her birthmom. She won't ever call me mom because I'm not raising her, Val is. Val is her mom.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong>Olivia is only 13 months old so she does't talk a lot. :)<br />Stef and I talked about what she'd prefer. We decided Olivia will call her "Stef/Stefanie" and of course she will know that Stefanie is her birth mother, her angel. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong><em>11. Did you both come up with a story together on how the child would know he/she was placed for adoption and why? Or did just the AParent?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I haven't even thought about it. Haha. I know that Dustinn and Val will do a great job with that and that I don't really have to worry about it.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong> Stefanie made Olivia a beautiful picture album.<br />With Olivia, there will never be a "big reveal." She will always know that she's adopted, has a birth mother and birth father who love her dearly, and that she came to our family in a very special way. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>12.Who named the child? <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s1600/Olivia.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 335px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689929176322594" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s400/Olivia.jpg" /></a><br /></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> We both sort of did. What happened was that when I was planning on parenting. I was going to name her Olivia Nicole. Nic is the birthfather and so Nicole would be after him. I told Val that after I decided to place. And they decided to keep the first name Olivia and to change her middle name to Kate after Val's great-grandmother and her sister. It didn't upset me. I was kind of unsure about it at first and I didn't know if I liked how it sounded together. But it grew on me. And I look at her and she's DEFINITELY an Olivia Kate. Not an Olivia Nicole.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em>We named her together.<br />It makes me laugh to remember this detail about the night we'd found out Stefanie was placing with us. That day, out of the blue, we'd received a package in the mail. When we opened the package we saw an ultrasound picture and the caption "it's a girl!" Beneath the picture was a letter that started "I wanted to let you know what you're having." (Thinking about it still gives me chills.)<br />We had company in town so Dustinn and I went out walking in the dark, warm summer night to call Stefanie. After squeals, tears and excitedly talking at the same time, she asked, "so....what are you going to name her?" "Oh Stef, we have no idea! We just found out we're going to be parents a few minutes ago."<br />We spent the next couple of days thinking about it. Stefanie had told us "if I was keeping her I would name her Olivia" but she in no way pressured us to choose that name. We'd previously planned on giving all our children family names. Then we had this "ah-ha!" moment: Olivia would be a family name--from Stefanie's side. (It also helped that we think Olivia is a beautiful name.)<br />Olivia's middle name is Kate after my Great Grandmother and my sister. A lot of people don't know their great grandparents very well but that is not the case for me. I spent many summers having sleep-overs at her house, eating her delicious cooking, doing cartwheels in her yard, and eating vegetables straight from their garden. Only after my own bout with infertility were my eyes opened to my Great Grandma's trials with wanting children. She was always cheerful and charitable.<br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>13.Anything else you want to add? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s1600/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 268px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689931550616466" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s400/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg" /></a><br />Yes! You asked specifically for a birth mom and adoptive parent story combined, so I focused on the relationship between Stefanie and I.<br />However, Olivia's story is incomplete without her amazing birth dad!<br />We got to know him and became friends before Olivia was born and continue to communicate and see him often. He loves Olivia very much.<br />He recently got married and he & his wife are an important part of our lives.<br /></span><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-6624305635640970582011-05-15T06:51:00.001-07:002011-05-15T06:52:04.276-07:00Questions and answers from a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom<span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">1. What brought you to adoption?</span></em></strong><br /></span><span style="color:#990000;">( Birth Mom)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s1600/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 338px; HEIGHT: 396px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689932121832962" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s400/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg" /></a><br />Well. I was single and pregnant. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to LDS Family Services to talk to a counselor and so I did. And I wasn't so sure on adoption for about the first 4 months of my pregnancy. It was mentioned here and there but it always made mad or sad. I was very closed minded at first. But my heart began to soften as soon as I found out that Valery and Dustinn were looking to adopt.</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">(Adoptive Mom)<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s1600/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 255px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689940108457970" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s400/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Like many other couples, infertility brought us to adoption.<br />We had been blessed with one biological son but hoped for more children. Starting the adoption process felt natural and right.<br /><br />Back in 2004, I was a senior at BYU. I was walking home from class one day and saw a toddler, wearing just a diaper, running back and forth across the street. I carried him to the side of the road and hung out with him until I met his mother. His mother, "N" was in dire straits. "N" and I became friends but even more so, her son "Angel" and I became friends. I'd regularly pick him up to go to the park or McDonald's. Sometimes when I returned with Angel I couldn't find "N" and Angel would stay with me (and my college roommates, haha) overnight.<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s1600/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 265px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689924010056818" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s400/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Dustinn came into the picture and together we continued to visit Angel as "N" hopped from place to place in the Salt Lake valley, and as Angel was in and out of foster care.<br /><br />In 2008 "N" and Angel moved again, except this time no one knew where they went. I haven't seen or heard from "N" or Angel since. But I miss him. I still keep my eyes peeled for him when we're in Utah. I can't help but think about how old he's turning every December 16th. I wonder what he's like and how he is doing in school. I wonder if anyone is helping him with his homework and reminding him that he is good and smart and important.<br />Dustinn and I pray that he's okay because we know often he was not.<br />The moral of this story is twofold:<br />1. I knew long ago that a child did not have to be biologically mine to love him/her with all my heart.<br />2. I know what it's like to wonder how a child is doing. We wouldn't ever want Stefanie to feel like that. While we're aware that open adoption isn't for everyone, it was important to us that Stefanie had that option.<br /></span><br /><em><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>2.What do you want out of the adoption relationship with each other. </strong></span></em><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I wanted a really close friendship like BFF's. Someone I can call and talk to even if I was having a bad day and needed a friend. I think our friendship has blossomed more and I think of Val as like my soul sister. :) </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Stef appreciates updates, pictures, visits and generally to have a continuing relationship with Olivia.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;">We don't have any expectations of things we'd like Stefanie to do for us/Olivia. However, she has done many wonderful and thoughtful things for us. She loves us and Bradshaw. She remembers and cares about important things in our life. She makes us feel special by spending time with us.<br />Generally, everyone in the adoption triad wants respect, understanding, patience and forgiveness (Dustinn and I are most definitely fallible!)<br />We are hopeful that an open adoption will help comfort and reassure Stefanie of her choice. We are hopeful that an open adoption will give Olivia answers, confidence and peace.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>3.What do you both want for the child that was placed for adoption? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I want her to be happy and to know that she's always loved from all different sorts of families. Your blood doesn't define your family. It's those that are closest to you. I want her to WANT to know where she comes from and that it's an awesome thing that she's adopted<br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></strong><em><strong>(Incidentally, prior to Olivia's birth we were on a long car ride with Stefanie and we all took turns making wishes for Olivia.)<br /></strong></em>Olivia's just a toddler now. We want her world to be warm, welcoming, friendly. We want Olivia to feel safe.<br />As she grows, we want her to be able to discover her talents and interests and to find joy and fulfillment in using them to help others.<br />We want her to know that she is a beloved daughter of God. That she is of divine worth.<br />We want her to know that God was aware of her birth and life. That He will hear and answer her prayers.<br />We want her to have the confidence that comes from knowing who she is and knowing what life is about.<br />We want her to know that she is dearly loved by her parents, siblings, birth mom, birth dad, and all of her extended family (birth family definitely included.)<br />We want her to know being adopted makes her special. </span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">4.How is your relation ship with each other?<br /></span></em></strong><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom) With Val (the adoptive mom) We're like sisters. With Olivia (birthdaughter) she's only 13 months old. But I know she'll always grow up knowing who I am and that we'll be super close. Not so much a mother/daughter relationship but maybe like an aunt/niece relationship. Sounds weird. I hated that idea at first. But it makes sense.</em></strong> </span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(</em></strong><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong><em>Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> <strong><em>Good! Right, Stef?<br /></em></strong>We communicate primarily via email. Which works really well for me. (While I am not a shy person. I tend to shy away from the phone.)<br /><br />Stefanie lives in Utah, where a lot of my extended family also lives so we've visited Utah several times in the past year and have typically been able to see Stefanie and her family multiple times each visit. So we've had the chance to meet and get to know her boyfriend/fiance/now husband, to play games (hurrah for Kingsburg!) and catch up in person. </span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><em>5. What would be advice you would give to other</em> <em>women considering adoption? </em></span></strong></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> It's hard and take the time to know you're doing what's best for YOU and for YOUR BABY. You will be affected by it but your baby will be affected more by your choices. I would advise you to do a pro/cons list. Get counseling. Go to groups, if there are any available in your community. Write in your journal. Pray often. Do what it is that will help you.<br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>6. What would be your advice to other hopeful adoptive couples? </strong></em></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong> After having gone through the adoption process and meeting so many wonderful couples. I know that you all have that precious spirit waiting to be born with you. And they're as excited as you are. I know times will be tough and it'll get discouraging but don't lose faith.<br />My other advice (it's going to be kind of harsh and to the point): Do NOT lead your birthmom on. Do NOT promise her something that you can't follow through with. Do NOT promise her an open adoption with all intentions to close it up after. We canNOT have PEACE without all the PIECES. A birthmom will find you that will fit into your family if that's what you like. Be true to yourself. We made all the promises and followed through with the adoption and gave you what you wanted. All we ask is that you return the favor. If you don't feel comfortable with an open adoption, research it. Find out more about it. You are most likely feeling uneasy because of the unknown. It's a wonderful experience and you would truely miss out and so will your future child.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Keep a journal! Daily if possible. You will go through the whole gamut of emotions and see miracles that you'll want to remember--and even more so you'll experience things that you'll want to be able to tell your adopted child.<br />The more you write, the more you'll see.<br />I would especially note the "warm fuzzies" (such as sweet quotes your child's birth family says, special connections you have with the birth family, first impressions, etc.)<br />Plus, you never know if something you've written will someday be an answer your child seeks.<br /></span><br /></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><strong>7. How open is your adoption? What does OPEN mean to you? </strong></em><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I think it's super open. We don't live in the same state. But being as far away as we are, it's still close. We actually knew each other before. Dustinn (adoptive dad) is best friends with my brother in-law. And they found out I was pregnant and looking at options through my sister. I knew they were the perfect family already. Before I had Olivia, I flew out to Virginia and stayed with them for a week. Me and Val would call each other and E-mail. We both blog and she sends me pictures or will tell me something new about Olivia and sends me updates. It's awesome. When they're in town, we see each other. They let me babysit Olivia a few days after I had Olivia.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em> I believe it would be labeled as <em><strong>"very open."<br /></strong></em>We've seen each other many times since Olivia's been born. We've been in each other's homes. We love each other's extended family. We follow each other's blogs. We send pictures and give updates. We talk on the phone but mostly email.<br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>8. What does your Open adoption look like today? Has anything changed? More open? Less open?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> Today. It hasn't changed much. Except that our schedules are just so busy. She is taking care of two kids. I recently just got married. But when we have time we will E-mail. It's so convient just when you're on the computer and you only have a short amount of time that you can always get back on and E-mail back when you have time. I feel bad if she calls and I can't answer and I don't call back. And I don't want Dustinn or Val to feel obligated that they have to call me back right away and that I'll be angry forever. I know they'll get back to me when they can. They're great. I'm sure we're both nervous about stepping on eachother's toes but nothing too horrible has gone wrong. Haha. </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> It's only been a year. I guess the biggest change is my husband is now an MBA student--so we're on a student budget and will be traveling less this year than we did last year. Otherwise nothing has changed.<br />Equally open.<br /><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>9. What were your insecurities about placing for adoption and about adopting? </strong></em></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I was afraid that Olivia wouldn't know that I loved her or that I didn't know who I was. That Dustinn and Val decided that I was somehow a threat (or a psycho) to her and their family and would cut off all contact. I'm afraid that later on that when Olivia gets older that she will choose on her own that she doesn't want contact with me. I don't want it to be that somehow a huge fight will happen and we won't ever talk to each other again.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> -First we worried that we wouldn't be chosen by a birth mother.<br />-Shortly after Stefanie chose us, she flew from Utah to Virginia to spend time with us. I was worried if my bath tub was clean. I was worried if my cooking tasted good. I worried whether she was bored. I was worried about what she thought of our parenting. Mostly, I was worried if it was a week long interview. (Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Within hours of Stef arriving, she saw our son's worst behavior. ever. And she still placed with us!!! The week was extremely fun: the highlights being the times she opened up to us regarding what she was feeling and thinking.)<br />-During Stefanie's pregnancy, we worried about placement HARD. Every woman who goes through that is a superhero in my book.)<br />-Now, mostly we worry about letting Stefanie down. Not in terms of parenting or who we are. More in terms of maintaining the relationship (ie sending enough/the right pictures, finding the balance between visiting Stefanie without neglecting other relatives we have in Utah, etc.)<br />(And new worries will likely crop up as Olivia grows up. :)<br /></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>10. How are you (the birth mom) known to the child? Are you called by name? a nickname? Are you known as the birth mom?<br /></strong></em></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I'm just Stefanie. Nothing to special right now just because Olivia is barely one. I'm sure she'll just know me as Stefanie and she'll know that I'm her birthmom. She won't ever call me mom because I'm not raising her, Val is. Val is her mom.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong>Olivia is only 13 months old so she does't talk a lot. :)<br />Stef and I talked about what she'd prefer. We decided Olivia will call her "Stef/Stefanie" and of course she will know that Stefanie is her birth mother, her angel. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong><em>11. Did you both come up with a story together on how the child would know he/she was placed for adoption and why? Or did just the AParent?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I haven't even thought about it. Haha. I know that Dustinn and Val will do a great job with that and that I don't really have to worry about it.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong> Stefanie made Olivia a beautiful picture album.<br />With Olivia, there will never be a "big reveal." She will always know that she's adopted, has a birth mother and birth father who love her dearly, and that she came to our family in a very special way. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>12.Who named the child? <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s1600/Olivia.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 335px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689929176322594" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s400/Olivia.jpg" /></a><br /></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> We both sort of did. What happened was that when I was planning on parenting. I was going to name her Olivia Nicole. Nic is the birthfather and so Nicole would be after him. I told Val that after I decided to place. And they decided to keep the first name Olivia and to change her middle name to Kate after Val's great-grandmother and her sister. It didn't upset me. I was kind of unsure about it at first and I didn't know if I liked how it sounded together. But it grew on me. And I look at her and she's DEFINITELY an Olivia Kate. Not an Olivia Nicole.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em>We named her together.<br />It makes me laugh to remember this detail about the night we'd found out Stefanie was placing with us. That day, out of the blue, we'd received a package in the mail. When we opened the package we saw an ultrasound picture and the caption "it's a girl!" Beneath the picture was a letter that started "I wanted to let you know what you're having." (Thinking about it still gives me chills.)<br />We had company in town so Dustinn and I went out walking in the dark, warm summer night to call Stefanie. After squeals, tears and excitedly talking at the same time, she asked, "so....what are you going to name her?" "Oh Stef, we have no idea! We just found out we're going to be parents a few minutes ago."<br />We spent the next couple of days thinking about it. Stefanie had told us "if I was keeping her I would name her Olivia" but she in no way pressured us to choose that name. We'd previously planned on giving all our children family names. Then we had this "ah-ha!" moment: Olivia would be a family name--from Stefanie's side. (It also helped that we think Olivia is a beautiful name.)<br />Olivia's middle name is Kate after my Great Grandmother and my sister. A lot of people don't know their great grandparents very well but that is not the case for me. I spent many summers having sleep-overs at her house, eating her delicious cooking, doing cartwheels in her yard, and eating vegetables straight from their garden. Only after my own bout with infertility were my eyes opened to my Great Grandma's trials with wanting children. She was always cheerful and charitable.<br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>13.Anything else you want to add? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s1600/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 268px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689931550616466" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s400/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg" /></a><br />Yes! You asked specifically for a birth mom and adoptive parent story combined, so I focused on the relationship between Stefanie and I.<br />However, Olivia's story is incomplete without her amazing birth dad!<br />We got to know him and became friends before Olivia was born and continue to communicate and see him often. He loves Olivia very much.<br />He recently got married and he & his wife are an important part of our lives.<br /></span><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-6688069576326156952011-05-15T06:51:00.000-07:002011-05-15T06:52:03.646-07:00Questions and answers from a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom<span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">1. What brought you to adoption?</span></em></strong><br /></span><span style="color:#990000;">( Birth Mom)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s1600/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 338px; HEIGHT: 396px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689932121832962" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s400/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg" /></a><br />Well. I was single and pregnant. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to LDS Family Services to talk to a counselor and so I did. And I wasn't so sure on adoption for about the first 4 months of my pregnancy. It was mentioned here and there but it always made mad or sad. I was very closed minded at first. But my heart began to soften as soon as I found out that Valery and Dustinn were looking to adopt.</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">(Adoptive Mom)<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s1600/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 255px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689940108457970" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s400/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Like many other couples, infertility brought us to adoption.<br />We had been blessed with one biological son but hoped for more children. Starting the adoption process felt natural and right.<br /><br />Back in 2004, I was a senior at BYU. I was walking home from class one day and saw a toddler, wearing just a diaper, running back and forth across the street. I carried him to the side of the road and hung out with him until I met his mother. His mother, "N" was in dire straits. "N" and I became friends but even more so, her son "Angel" and I became friends. I'd regularly pick him up to go to the park or McDonald's. Sometimes when I returned with Angel I couldn't find "N" and Angel would stay with me (and my college roommates, haha) overnight.<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s1600/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 265px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689924010056818" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s400/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Dustinn came into the picture and together we continued to visit Angel as "N" hopped from place to place in the Salt Lake valley, and as Angel was in and out of foster care.<br /><br />In 2008 "N" and Angel moved again, except this time no one knew where they went. I haven't seen or heard from "N" or Angel since. But I miss him. I still keep my eyes peeled for him when we're in Utah. I can't help but think about how old he's turning every December 16th. I wonder what he's like and how he is doing in school. I wonder if anyone is helping him with his homework and reminding him that he is good and smart and important.<br />Dustinn and I pray that he's okay because we know often he was not.<br />The moral of this story is twofold:<br />1. I knew long ago that a child did not have to be biologically mine to love him/her with all my heart.<br />2. I know what it's like to wonder how a child is doing. We wouldn't ever want Stefanie to feel like that. While we're aware that open adoption isn't for everyone, it was important to us that Stefanie had that option.<br /></span><br /><em><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>2.What do you want out of the adoption relationship with each other. </strong></span></em><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I wanted a really close friendship like BFF's. Someone I can call and talk to even if I was having a bad day and needed a friend. I think our friendship has blossomed more and I think of Val as like my soul sister. :) </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Stef appreciates updates, pictures, visits and generally to have a continuing relationship with Olivia.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;">We don't have any expectations of things we'd like Stefanie to do for us/Olivia. However, she has done many wonderful and thoughtful things for us. She loves us and Bradshaw. She remembers and cares about important things in our life. She makes us feel special by spending time with us.<br />Generally, everyone in the adoption triad wants respect, understanding, patience and forgiveness (Dustinn and I are most definitely fallible!)<br />We are hopeful that an open adoption will help comfort and reassure Stefanie of her choice. We are hopeful that an open adoption will give Olivia answers, confidence and peace.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>3.What do you both want for the child that was placed for adoption? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I want her to be happy and to know that she's always loved from all different sorts of families. Your blood doesn't define your family. It's those that are closest to you. I want her to WANT to know where she comes from and that it's an awesome thing that she's adopted<br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></strong><em><strong>(Incidentally, prior to Olivia's birth we were on a long car ride with Stefanie and we all took turns making wishes for Olivia.)<br /></strong></em>Olivia's just a toddler now. We want her world to be warm, welcoming, friendly. We want Olivia to feel safe.<br />As she grows, we want her to be able to discover her talents and interests and to find joy and fulfillment in using them to help others.<br />We want her to know that she is a beloved daughter of God. That she is of divine worth.<br />We want her to know that God was aware of her birth and life. That He will hear and answer her prayers.<br />We want her to have the confidence that comes from knowing who she is and knowing what life is about.<br />We want her to know that she is dearly loved by her parents, siblings, birth mom, birth dad, and all of her extended family (birth family definitely included.)<br />We want her to know being adopted makes her special. </span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">4.How is your relation ship with each other?<br /></span></em></strong><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom) With Val (the adoptive mom) We're like sisters. With Olivia (birthdaughter) she's only 13 months old. But I know she'll always grow up knowing who I am and that we'll be super close. Not so much a mother/daughter relationship but maybe like an aunt/niece relationship. Sounds weird. I hated that idea at first. But it makes sense.</em></strong> </span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(</em></strong><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong><em>Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> <strong><em>Good! Right, Stef?<br /></em></strong>We communicate primarily via email. Which works really well for me. (While I am not a shy person. I tend to shy away from the phone.)<br /><br />Stefanie lives in Utah, where a lot of my extended family also lives so we've visited Utah several times in the past year and have typically been able to see Stefanie and her family multiple times each visit. So we've had the chance to meet and get to know her boyfriend/fiance/now husband, to play games (hurrah for Kingsburg!) and catch up in person. </span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><em>5. What would be advice you would give to other</em> <em>women considering adoption? </em></span></strong></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> It's hard and take the time to know you're doing what's best for YOU and for YOUR BABY. You will be affected by it but your baby will be affected more by your choices. I would advise you to do a pro/cons list. Get counseling. Go to groups, if there are any available in your community. Write in your journal. Pray often. Do what it is that will help you.<br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>6. What would be your advice to other hopeful adoptive couples? </strong></em></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong> After having gone through the adoption process and meeting so many wonderful couples. I know that you all have that precious spirit waiting to be born with you. And they're as excited as you are. I know times will be tough and it'll get discouraging but don't lose faith.<br />My other advice (it's going to be kind of harsh and to the point): Do NOT lead your birthmom on. Do NOT promise her something that you can't follow through with. Do NOT promise her an open adoption with all intentions to close it up after. We canNOT have PEACE without all the PIECES. A birthmom will find you that will fit into your family if that's what you like. Be true to yourself. We made all the promises and followed through with the adoption and gave you what you wanted. All we ask is that you return the favor. If you don't feel comfortable with an open adoption, research it. Find out more about it. You are most likely feeling uneasy because of the unknown. It's a wonderful experience and you would truely miss out and so will your future child.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Keep a journal! Daily if possible. You will go through the whole gamut of emotions and see miracles that you'll want to remember--and even more so you'll experience things that you'll want to be able to tell your adopted child.<br />The more you write, the more you'll see.<br />I would especially note the "warm fuzzies" (such as sweet quotes your child's birth family says, special connections you have with the birth family, first impressions, etc.)<br />Plus, you never know if something you've written will someday be an answer your child seeks.<br /></span><br /></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><strong>7. How open is your adoption? What does OPEN mean to you? </strong></em><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I think it's super open. We don't live in the same state. But being as far away as we are, it's still close. We actually knew each other before. Dustinn (adoptive dad) is best friends with my brother in-law. And they found out I was pregnant and looking at options through my sister. I knew they were the perfect family already. Before I had Olivia, I flew out to Virginia and stayed with them for a week. Me and Val would call each other and E-mail. We both blog and she sends me pictures or will tell me something new about Olivia and sends me updates. It's awesome. When they're in town, we see each other. They let me babysit Olivia a few days after I had Olivia.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em> I believe it would be labeled as <em><strong>"very open."<br /></strong></em>We've seen each other many times since Olivia's been born. We've been in each other's homes. We love each other's extended family. We follow each other's blogs. We send pictures and give updates. We talk on the phone but mostly email.<br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>8. What does your Open adoption look like today? Has anything changed? More open? Less open?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> Today. It hasn't changed much. Except that our schedules are just so busy. She is taking care of two kids. I recently just got married. But when we have time we will E-mail. It's so convient just when you're on the computer and you only have a short amount of time that you can always get back on and E-mail back when you have time. I feel bad if she calls and I can't answer and I don't call back. And I don't want Dustinn or Val to feel obligated that they have to call me back right away and that I'll be angry forever. I know they'll get back to me when they can. They're great. I'm sure we're both nervous about stepping on eachother's toes but nothing too horrible has gone wrong. Haha. </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> It's only been a year. I guess the biggest change is my husband is now an MBA student--so we're on a student budget and will be traveling less this year than we did last year. Otherwise nothing has changed.<br />Equally open.<br /><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>9. What were your insecurities about placing for adoption and about adopting? </strong></em></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I was afraid that Olivia wouldn't know that I loved her or that I didn't know who I was. That Dustinn and Val decided that I was somehow a threat (or a psycho) to her and their family and would cut off all contact. I'm afraid that later on that when Olivia gets older that she will choose on her own that she doesn't want contact with me. I don't want it to be that somehow a huge fight will happen and we won't ever talk to each other again.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> -First we worried that we wouldn't be chosen by a birth mother.<br />-Shortly after Stefanie chose us, she flew from Utah to Virginia to spend time with us. I was worried if my bath tub was clean. I was worried if my cooking tasted good. I worried whether she was bored. I was worried about what she thought of our parenting. Mostly, I was worried if it was a week long interview. (Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Within hours of Stef arriving, she saw our son's worst behavior. ever. And she still placed with us!!! The week was extremely fun: the highlights being the times she opened up to us regarding what she was feeling and thinking.)<br />-During Stefanie's pregnancy, we worried about placement HARD. Every woman who goes through that is a superhero in my book.)<br />-Now, mostly we worry about letting Stefanie down. Not in terms of parenting or who we are. More in terms of maintaining the relationship (ie sending enough/the right pictures, finding the balance between visiting Stefanie without neglecting other relatives we have in Utah, etc.)<br />(And new worries will likely crop up as Olivia grows up. :)<br /></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>10. How are you (the birth mom) known to the child? Are you called by name? a nickname? Are you known as the birth mom?<br /></strong></em></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I'm just Stefanie. Nothing to special right now just because Olivia is barely one. I'm sure she'll just know me as Stefanie and she'll know that I'm her birthmom. She won't ever call me mom because I'm not raising her, Val is. Val is her mom.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong>Olivia is only 13 months old so she does't talk a lot. :)<br />Stef and I talked about what she'd prefer. We decided Olivia will call her "Stef/Stefanie" and of course she will know that Stefanie is her birth mother, her angel. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong><em>11. Did you both come up with a story together on how the child would know he/she was placed for adoption and why? Or did just the AParent?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I haven't even thought about it. Haha. I know that Dustinn and Val will do a great job with that and that I don't really have to worry about it.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong> Stefanie made Olivia a beautiful picture album.<br />With Olivia, there will never be a "big reveal." She will always know that she's adopted, has a birth mother and birth father who love her dearly, and that she came to our family in a very special way. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>12.Who named the child? <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s1600/Olivia.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 335px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689929176322594" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s400/Olivia.jpg" /></a><br /></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> We both sort of did. What happened was that when I was planning on parenting. I was going to name her Olivia Nicole. Nic is the birthfather and so Nicole would be after him. I told Val that after I decided to place. And they decided to keep the first name Olivia and to change her middle name to Kate after Val's great-grandmother and her sister. It didn't upset me. I was kind of unsure about it at first and I didn't know if I liked how it sounded together. But it grew on me. And I look at her and she's DEFINITELY an Olivia Kate. Not an Olivia Nicole.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em>We named her together.<br />It makes me laugh to remember this detail about the night we'd found out Stefanie was placing with us. That day, out of the blue, we'd received a package in the mail. When we opened the package we saw an ultrasound picture and the caption "it's a girl!" Beneath the picture was a letter that started "I wanted to let you know what you're having." (Thinking about it still gives me chills.)<br />We had company in town so Dustinn and I went out walking in the dark, warm summer night to call Stefanie. After squeals, tears and excitedly talking at the same time, she asked, "so....what are you going to name her?" "Oh Stef, we have no idea! We just found out we're going to be parents a few minutes ago."<br />We spent the next couple of days thinking about it. Stefanie had told us "if I was keeping her I would name her Olivia" but she in no way pressured us to choose that name. We'd previously planned on giving all our children family names. Then we had this "ah-ha!" moment: Olivia would be a family name--from Stefanie's side. (It also helped that we think Olivia is a beautiful name.)<br />Olivia's middle name is Kate after my Great Grandmother and my sister. A lot of people don't know their great grandparents very well but that is not the case for me. I spent many summers having sleep-overs at her house, eating her delicious cooking, doing cartwheels in her yard, and eating vegetables straight from their garden. Only after my own bout with infertility were my eyes opened to my Great Grandma's trials with wanting children. She was always cheerful and charitable.<br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>13.Anything else you want to add? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s1600/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 268px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689931550616466" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s400/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg" /></a><br />Yes! You asked specifically for a birth mom and adoptive parent story combined, so I focused on the relationship between Stefanie and I.<br />However, Olivia's story is incomplete without her amazing birth dad!<br />We got to know him and became friends before Olivia was born and continue to communicate and see him often. He loves Olivia very much.<br />He recently got married and he & his wife are an important part of our lives.<br /></span><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-14594586808085372572011-05-07T15:05:00.000-07:002011-05-07T15:08:39.772-07:00HAPPY BIRTH MOTHERS DAY!!!I just wanted to wish all the Birth Moms out there a VERY HAPPY BIRTH MOTHERS DAY! Its today for those of you didn't know. Its the day before Mother's Day, which makes sense... These woman are selfless woman who gave the gift of love, life and family.<br />Thank you! Thank you!<br />love to all<br />Karine (blog Author)<br />p.s. we are still working on our adoption through the state for the sibling group :) But hopefully this summer or fall!<br />P.P. S. if you have a Birth Mother, do something special for her. Just show her you care.Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-69623246641709859402011-03-22T05:33:00.001-07:002011-03-22T05:33:34.379-07:00Adoption Cardsspread the word, there is now a place to find cards unique to adoption! <br />you can thank the wonderful ladies at birthmom buds for this awesomeness! <br />let all your adoption friends/family know today!<br /><br /><br />http://www.etsy.com/shop/heartmarkdesignsKarinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-10546071765153915672011-03-01T06:16:00.000-08:002011-03-01T06:19:13.094-08:00Browse it all....Feel free to go thru all my old posts. There are many great stories that have been shared. Sorry but life has been keeping me very busy. Enjoy.Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-5143650461288707682011-02-18T06:06:00.001-08:002011-02-18T06:06:32.131-08:00Adoption is MORE :)Adoption is more<br />It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other. <br /><br />~Joan McNamaraKarinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-20963416404818104322011-02-08T13:19:00.001-08:002011-02-08T13:19:17.882-08:00Adoption and Abortion<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KGCxBmoAIAE?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425"></iframe>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-29325475577293883322011-01-28T12:04:00.000-08:002011-01-28T12:06:43.917-08:00A sweet adoption blog I found....This is a sweet adoption story. I loved reading this and thought you would too. ;) <br />Click <a href="http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/noah.html">here </a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-44350487124073153692011-01-27T08:32:00.001-08:002011-01-27T08:33:05.729-08:00The Voice of an ADOPTED<span style="color:#330033;">This guest blogger is an author of a book,</span> "<em><strong><span style="color:#000066;">Someone’s Daughter: She’s adopted, but don’t tell.</span></strong></em>" <span style="color:#330033;">It shares her unique story and view point on her closed adoption. This is Aurette Bowes<br />story and her viewpoint. It is long but worth the read and is very insightful. <em><span style="font-size:180%;color:#330033;">Do you think that knowing your Birth Mother earlier in your life and having an open adoption would of made a difference for you?</span></em> <em>Meeting my birth mother and learning about half of my biological roots has helped me a lot. Although we no longer have any direct contact I would like to know more about her, as I think the more I know the more healing I will experience – it’s an ongoing process for me. I still feel there is a part of my life puzzle missing, however, because I don’t know my biological father at all, and I often wonder about him. But knowing half your origins is better than not knowing anything at all. <span style="font-size:180%;color:#660000;">So I think yes, an open adoption would have made a difference,</span> as I would have been able to address all my questions to my birth mother along the way, as I encountered them.<br /></em><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S54vz865qRI/AAAAAAAABi8/YW7SAyEcVJo/s1600-h/Aurette+Bowes.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 374px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5448845168737888530" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S54vz865qRI/AAAAAAAABi8/YW7SAyEcVJo/s400/Aurette+Bowes.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br />When I was a little girl of about six or seven, my mother told me the following story: “<em>Daddy always wanted a little girl with brown eyes and blonde hair. One day, we received a phone call from the hospital. ‘We have a baby girl here with brown eyes and blond hair,’ they said. ‘Do you want her?’ And Daddy said, ‘Wrap her up, we’re coming to fetch her.’”<br /></em><br />Although I didn’t realise it at the time, this story was my first clue that I wasn’t my parents’ biological child.<br /><br /><em><span style="color:#660000;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Most children, at some stage during their lives, wonder whether or not they are adopted. The inherent knowledge that they aren’t is probably what enables them to confront their parents and deal with the question once and for all. Although I considered doing this many, many times, I was never able to gather enough courage to actually go ahead and ask, “Am I adopted?” I wrestled with this dilemma for my entire childhood and a large part of my adult life.</span><br /></span></em><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000066;">I was afraid to ask the question for two reasons: I was afraid of hurting my parents, and I was afraid of what the answer would be.</span> Consequently, I was always on the lookout for clues that would bring me closer to a definite “yes” or “no” answer, and there were many that pointed to “yes”. Eventually, I convinced myself that it didn’t matter who my biological parents were. My mother and father had raised me and they were my parents. Who had given birth to me was irrelevant. I told myself this over and over again and eventually convinced myself that I believed it, that I had “made peace” with the issue and could put it behind me. Thus I pushed all my questions out of my head. I stopped looking for clues.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">Psychologists will tell you that if you refuse to deal with any form of trauma or unresolved issue in your life and live in a state of constant denial, it will eventually catch up with you in one way or another. The question I had spent my whole life trying to avoid finally caught up with me when, at the age of 37, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. My counsellor, Fred, believed my failure to deal with the question of my suspected adoption was probably the largest contributing factor to my depression. The problem was I still did not have the courage to face my parents and the mere thought of doing so brought me to tears.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#330000;">Fred kindly offered to ask the question for me. He called my mother one Friday evening and asked her what I had been too afraid to ask for so long. Later she said that when Fred said he had an important question to ask her, she knew immediately what is was. “It was as if I had been waiting for it,” she said. That’s probably why she didn’t hesitate to answer “yes”.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330000;">Fred arrived at my house the following morning to deliver the news.<br /><br />It’s one thing to suspect you are adopted, it’s quite another to finally have it confirmed. In one word, my entire identity was completely wiped out. Everything I had been brought up to believe about who I was, my ancestral roots, was no longer true. The same thought kept running through my head, over and over again – my mother is not my mother, Dad is not my dad… I wasn’t related to anyone in my family. The only two people I could claim blood ties with were my children. They were my legacy, but my ancestry was a complete blank. I felt as if I were floating in a huge, black vacuum.<br /></span><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#330033;"><em>Suddenly, where I came from did matter. I had to know who had conceived me and given birth to me? I had to be someone’s daughter, but whose?<br /></em></span></strong><br />At first, my mother didn’t want me to search for my birth-mother. Now that I knew the truth, she wanted me to “forget about it and get on with my life”. She also didn’t want me to talk about it to anyone, not to my husband’s family. Not even my own children. She was afraid that they would no longer think of her as their grandmother. As ludicrous as this may sound, to her it was a very real fear.<br /><br /><br /><br />I did everything she asked, but my psychiatrist said it would severely inhibit my healing. This is where I began to gain insight into the pain she had experienced and was still experiencing. It took me a long time to fully understand that her need for secrecy was not motivated by any form of selfish spite or malice, but by pain. Once I did – and that took a long time – my anger diffused and forgiveness became much easier.<br /><br /><span style="color:#660000;">As all adoptive mothers do, my mother felt threatened by the mere existence of my birth-mother. Like all adoptive mothers, she firmly believed that once I found my birth-mother I would say, “Thanks Mom for all you’ve done up to now, but I’m off to live with my real mother.”<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#660000;">No matter how hard I tried, I could not convince her that nothing was further from the truth. I had no intention of doing anything of the sort. I just needed to establish who I was – biologically.<br /></span><br />I prayed long and hard for a resolution to the problem. I desperately wanted to search for my biological mother, but it was important that I had my mom’s blessing, otherwise it would be detrimental to our relationship. God provided resolution, and it came from the most unexpected source.<br /><br />Just as I could only refer to my adoption as “the A word”, so it was for my mother. Yet she found the courage to write to the Department of Social Services and tell them that her adopted daughter wanted to find her biological parents and could they provide information. They replied that according to the law, only I could request such information. Neither she nor my birth-mother was allowed access to my birth records. All I had to do, they said, was make a request in writing, and include my identity number and maiden name.<br /><br />She had done all she could. Now it was up to me. I was astounded. I knew only too well how difficult it must have been for her to write that letter, but she was prepared to put her pain aside so that I could have the answers I needed. That spoke volumes of the depth of her love for me. I was reminded of the saying: “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><span style="color:#000066;">So now I had my mother’s blessing to search for my birth mother.</span></em><br /></span><br /><span style="color:#660000;">I wrote to Social Development and three weeks later received a letter. It was very brief. It provided the full name of my birth-mother and stated that she had been 19 years old when she had given birth to me and had legally placed me up for adoption about three days later. She had not named my father.<br /><br />The letter also stated the name she had given me. That was a shock, in fact the biggest one. I never knew that birth-mothers were required to name the baby they intended to give up. I thought that was very cruel, but I learned later that this is done purely for record-keeping purposes.<br /><br />I read the letter over and over again, especially her name, trying to find some sort of connection. I looked at my birth name and wondered why she had chosen that particular one. Was it a name she had always liked? Was it a family name? Or was it one she had simply chosen at random? Now I had even more questions.<br /><br />Someone really had given me away. Now I knew who she was, I wanted more than anything to find her.<br /><br /></span>With the letter had come forms for me to fill in if I wanted Social Development to conduct a search. I filled them in that night and faxed them the following day. Now the big wait would begin and I had no idea how long it would be, or what results it would yield.<em> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#330033;">I had to prepare myself for one of three results – that she would already be dead, or that she would be alive but wouldn’t want to see me. That was her legal right. The third was that she would be alive and would want to see me. Of the two, I feared the first one the most. If she were dead I would never find the answers to all the questions I had. If she was alive but didn’t want to see me, that would be a big blow, but given time she could change her mind. Of course, the best would be that she was alive and wanted to see me</span>.<br /></span></em><br />I hoped that I would not have to wait long than two years for them to find my birth-mother. But when God is involved, things happen differently. Two months after I requested a search I received a phone call from my social worker.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000066;"><em>“Mrs Bowes, are you sitting down? I have found your mother, and she wants to see you!”<br /></em></span><br />Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t believe they had found her so quickly. But it would still be a few months before we would meet.<br /><br /><br />The social worker asked that I come see her so that she could explain the procedure to me. At our meeting she began by showing me the file of my birth records. It contained several documents, of which the social worker gave me copies. Together they told a story. First there was my original birth certificate with my birth name, the documents my birth mother had signed to give me up. There was also a non-disclosure form in which she agreed not to try to find out the identity of my adoptive parents. Then came my parent’s application for adoption, and the original social worker’s report on them when they had applied.<br /><br /><span style="color:#660000;">A brief description of my birth mother followed – that she had fallen pregnant and entered a home for unmarried mothers. Her specific request was that her condition remain a secret. I was to learn later that at the time only her mother and her sister knew of her pregnancy. Her brother only found out about my existence when I contacted her.<br /></span><br />There was another document in my file legally placing me with my parents until my adoption was finalised. Six months after my birth I became their legal daughter, and there was a document stating this as well.<br /><br /><br />The social worker had one more document to show me, but the law prohibited her from making a copy of it, as only the original was allowed to exist. This was the document stating my legal change of identity from my birth name and surname to the name my parents had given me and their surname. My birth identity was crossed out with a large X and my new identity typed neatly next to it.<br /><br /><span style="color:#330033;">Many people have since asked me how I knew all these documents were actually about me. How could I be sure a mistake hadn’t been made and someone else’s file sourced. The answer is simple. I recognised my parents’ signatures. My father has a very assertive one and there was no mistaking it.<br />Social Development is very careful in protecting the identity and privacy of adoptees and their birth parents. Before Dawn and I could meet, we first had to communicate anonymously through the social worker and our respective counsellors. When I was ready I could write her a letter, which the social worker would fax to her and she would fax her response back. This would continue until we were both ready to proceed to the next step – a meeting.</span><br /><br />We corresponded in this way for a short while, and eventually we were emailing each other directly. We asked all the questions about family etc. I learned that she was divorced and had brought up her three children alone.<br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#660000;">Eventually we arranged to meet. When she saw me for the first time she burst into tears and clung to me for a long time. I was crying too but my tears were for a different reason. I felt no instantaneous connection with her as my mother. She was just another woman. In fact, for the first 20 minutes or so, I wanted to run away to my parents and wished with all my heart that they were there.</span><br /></span></em><br />We spoke for a long time and I showed her photos of me growing up. She cried when she saw the ones of me as a baby. She answered all my questions, explained that she hadn’t had the financial means to enable her to keep me when I was born, and couldn’t deal with the social stigma of having an illegitimate child. She had named me after her sister and her brother.<br /><br />She told me that after she told my father of her pregnancy she never saw him again. In those days it was not legally required for the mother to name the birth-father on the birth certificate and as she didn’t want any financial support from him, she had decided not to.<br /><br />Shortly after this meeting, I became severely depressed to the extent that my psychiatrist told me I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and admitted me to hospital for about two weeks. Everything was simply too much to deal with and I was completely broken. I felt angry, betrayed, worthless.<br /><br />For a long while I broke off all contact with my birth mother as I tried to heal. It took a very long time but counselling helped me to realise that I was only hurting myself by hanging on to my negative emotions. My birth mother and my parents had made what they honestly believed to be the right decision at the time. Over the years they had come to realise that they had made a mistake and now they were trying to make the decision right. “You can’t change the past,” my counsellor said. “Let it go.”<br /><br />When I eventually saw the sense of letting go of the past, I was able to forgive and my true healing began. Shortly before my 39th birthday I telephoned my birth mother and told her I wanted to make peace and work at establishing a relationship.<br /><br /><span style="color:#000066;">After that we continued to correspond via email, but as time passed I began to realise we had less and less in common. Although she was a good person, essentially we were from two different worlds and had opposing sets of values and principles. The social worker had warned me that this often happened between adoptees and their birth-mothers.<br /><br />The stress of having two mothers in my life continued to take its toll. My mother was being very brave and trying extremely hard to support me through everything, but I knew she was suffering emotionally. My father was also hurting, as were my husband and children. I felt as if I were constantly being pulled between the two women. Eventually I couldn’t take it any more. I was emotionally exhausted and my family was suffering.<br /><br />I decided it was time to assert my legal rights. The social worker had told me that I could end the relationship whenever I wanted to and my birth mother would have to accept my decision. I emailed her a letter. She was shocked but accepted my decision.<br /></span><br />To say my mother was ecstatic by my decision is an understatement. She had set me free and I had come back to her. I had always known I would, but she hadn’t.<br /><br />At first I felt relieved that I no longer had to worry about keeping two mothers happy. Then I began to feel cheated. My birth mother had received what she wanted – she had always wondered what had happened to the baby she had given away and whether she was okay and happy – now she knew. My mother had received what she wanted – her daughter that she didn’t have to share with another woman.<br /><br />But what had I got out of it all – nothing. In fact, I had come full circle – although I had learned the answers to some questions, now there were new ones to deal with, the answers to which I would probably never learn.<br /><br />I felt like I didn’t truly belong anywhere. I had been conceived in error. I was a mistake. My mere existence was enough to cause others pain. My parents had been so desperate for a child they would have taken any baby, irrespective of whether she was a little girl with brown eyes and blonde hair. How did I know I was truly meant to be with them? How did I know I was even meant to be?<br /><br />My counsellor took me to the Bible<span style="color:#660000;"><em><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">…“I am beautifully and wonderfully made…” “I knew you when you were in your mother’s womb…” “Can a woman forget the baby at her breast? Though she may do so, I will not forget. I will never leave you nor forsake you.”<br /></span></strong></em><br /></span><em><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">God doesn’t make mistakes. Romans 8:28 says, “All things work together for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.”<br /></span></strong></em><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><span style="color:#000066;">There was this childless couple who loved the Lord. They prayed earnestly for a child and he heard their plea. He saw a woman who was pregnant with a girl who would have brown eyes and blonde hair, and He said: “This baby for this couple.” </span><br /></em><br /></span></strong><em><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#330033;">And so when I was born I may not have been in control of my destiny, but Someone else was. As the nurses took me from my birth mother and placed me in my mother’s arms, there was another pair of Hands under theirs, directing them – God’s Hands. It did not matter that I had no control of where I was going – He was in control.<br /></span></strong></em><br />When I was in the depths of depression and struggling to come to terms with it all, I used to cry to God: “Why did You let this happen to me?”<br /><br />Now that the fog has finally cleared from my brain and I am able to place everything in perspective and can see where I am now and where I could have been, I ask God: “Lord, why were You so mindful of me?”<br /><br />I still have wounds that open up and bleed from time to time. I still flinch when I hear the word “adoption” spoken, in any context. Birthdays are a happy-sad event, because that is the day my birth-mother gave me away. Mother’s Day and special family holidays such as Christmas are also an emotional time for me.<br /><br />I am a work-in-progress but, thanks to everything I have learned over the past several years, I am better equipped to deal with the fallout as it happens. Most importantly, I have learned to place everything in God’s Hands.<br /><br />I don’t know whether I’ll ever see my birth mother again before she dies, or whether, if something happens to her, her children will think to let me know, but that is in God’s Hands.<br /><br /><em><span style="color:#660000;">I don’t know whether I’ll ever have the courage to search for my biological father, because if I do I don’t know what I’ll find and whether I will like it. He may not want me to find him. But that too is in God’s Hands.<br /><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000066;">Having placed everything in His hands, I have peace. Because whatever the outcome is will be what God intended it to be. His Will is always perfect, and what is right for God is ultimately right for me.<br /><br /></span></strong></em><em><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000066;"></span></strong></em><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#330033;"></span>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-18054300598283658062011-01-20T13:30:00.000-08:002011-01-20T13:31:10.142-08:00A Grandmother's LOVE for Adoption<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bPNxuLOnI/AAAAAAAABkk/hVz5F5xVbEA/s1600-h/n1470487405_30269684_916105.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 141px; HEIGHT: 198px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451272234570824306" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bPNxuLOnI/AAAAAAAABkk/hVz5F5xVbEA/s400/n1470487405_30269684_916105.jpg" /></a><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#663366;">This is one of my favorite people in the World!</span></strong> Her name is Toni Redfern and you all might recognize her from <span style="color:#990000;">"THE R HOUSE"</span> She is Lindsey's mother in law.<br />Toni was my young woman's leader when I was growing up. <strong><em><span style="font-size:130%;color:#663366;">I just love her</span></em></strong> and she made a huge difference in my life! She is a wonderful and beautiful Grandma too. I asked her if she would share her thoughts on open adoption with us, from a Grandma's point of view. These are her thoughts :)<br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#660000;">We have been blessed with<span style="font-size:130%;"><strong> 2 grandsons</strong></span> through the miracle of adoption.<br /></span><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bPNghy0EI/AAAAAAAABkc/Ai9Xrx56q_g/s1600-h/4178_1055071503355_1422840126_30120955_2418872_n.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 299px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451272229955489858" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bPNghy0EI/AAAAAAAABkc/Ai9Xrx56q_g/s400/4178_1055071503355_1422840126_30120955_2418872_n.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#660000;">Adoption was something I never really thought much about. When my oldest son found out he was unable to have biological children <span style="color:#000099;"><em>I knew right away we would welcome any child whether it was thru adoption or any other means.</em></span> I automatically assumed (not even know much about opened or closed adoption) we would know the birth mom and possibly the birth father. <strong><em><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#000000;">It seemed natural, important and in the best interest of everyone</span>.</span></em></strong> How could a child feel <em><span style="color:#000066;">a sense of wholeness</span></em> without knowing their story? There is a saying that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. Well, I would add to that <strong><span style="font-size:180%;">the best gift we can give them is to love everyone involved in their life that is healthy for them. </span></strong>Not to say there weren’t some concerns. But in expressing a few concerns to my son... I loved what he said. <strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#330033;">“They (the birth parents) will be in their life as long as it is healthy for our children”. The children always come first.</span></strong> We have been <em>blessed with 2 incredible birth mothers.</em> One that came into our lives when she picked our kids when she was 7 months pregnant and one we knew for several years before she placed with our son and his wife. <em><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000066;">They are part of our family.</span></em> They gave our family a gift</span> <strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;">that we can never repay</span></strong>.<br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bMEFu8LFI/AAAAAAAABkE/G8zzthVO4d8/s1600-h/3281_98424875029_720280029_2982803_5460516_n.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451268769609165906" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bMEFu8LFI/AAAAAAAABkE/G8zzthVO4d8/s400/3281_98424875029_720280029_2982803_5460516_n.jpg" /></a> <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bME5KQa6I/AAAAAAAABkU/Z3ZXiZyhmdc/s1600-h/scan0009.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 280px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451268783413947298" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bME5KQa6I/AAAAAAAABkU/Z3ZXiZyhmdc/s400/scan0009.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>They (the Birth Parents) are an important part of our grandson’s stories.</strong></span></em> Their pictures are in their rooms. They will grow up knowing and loving them. One thing I love most is our birth moms have developed a friendship. They have a bond. Their sons are brothers whom love each other. <span style="color:#660000;"><em>When they send gifts they send them to both boys</em>.</span> What a gift for our grandsons to have so many people who love them. They have grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. <span style="font-size:180%;color:#000066;"><em><strong>They have more love than imaginable on every side. What a blessing adoption has been in our lives!<br /></strong></em></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bMEpBkdoI/AAAAAAAABkM/Ee_S6yL8Eho/s1600-h/6530_1094533089870_1422840126_30228050_2642345_s.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 130px; HEIGHT: 125px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451268779082544770" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S6bMEpBkdoI/AAAAAAAABkM/Ee_S6yL8Eho/s400/6530_1094533089870_1422840126_30228050_2642345_s.jpg" /></a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-21160187422152582212011-01-11T19:54:00.001-08:002011-01-11T19:55:18.959-08:00As her Mother, I had to choose what was best for her....<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">My Adoption Journey<br /></span></strong><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCyk-MrLmtI/AAAAAAAACQA/zECt5OyW4Vk/s1600/senior+pics.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 176px; HEIGHT: 220px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5488943434318977746" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCyk-MrLmtI/AAAAAAAACQA/zECt5OyW4Vk/s400/senior+pics.jpg" /></a><br /><span style="color:#000000;">For those of you who have been involved with adoption, in any way, <strong><em>know that it's one of the hardest, most incredible things a person can go through.</em></strong> It’s difficult on all ends of the playing field; for birth parents, birth grandparents, adoptive couples, etc. Well my name is ShaNae</span><span style="color:#000000;">, I’m a birth mom, and this is my story.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000066;">In August of 2009 I discovered the heart dropping truth of my pregnancy.<em> <span style="font-size:130%;">I have never felt so alone in my life as I did at that moment. The world literally came crashing down and all I wanted was to disappear</span></em>. The news sent me into a complete whirl pool of emotions.<strong> Shame, guilt, disappointment, fear, anger, sadness, excitement, and worry were just to name a few.</strong> After disposing of the pregnancy test, I immediately drove to Planned Parenthood. There, I hoped to receive some kind of help or comfort. As I drove up and walked in I remember feeling like all eyes were on me. Like everyone in the room was thinking, "eww, you're just another pregnant, unmarried teen. The world could rid itself of you." However, the nurses were very kind and helpful. They helped me understand my options and move towards the next important step. As shamed as I am to admit it now, I will tell you that abortion was my first choice. I was over come with fear and knew that my pregnancy would be high risk. So, I asked the nurse what needed to be done to receive an abortion. She informed me that because I was under 18, an abortion required parental consent. You can imagine my horror upon hearing that...but needless to say, I nodded my head and said ok. I shook in terror the whole ride home, knowing that I'd have to tell my parents right away. If I was going to get an abortion, I wanted it ASAP. I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with it the second my baby had a heart beat.<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;">I'm going to skip some details, simply for time’s sake. I will include, however, that I told my mom the moment she arrived home that day. Dad found out from mom that night. Abortion remained an option for only about a week after that. <strong><em>I just couldn't do it, it was wrong.<br /></em></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#660000;">Anyway, at 8 weeks, news of the pregnancy was between me, mom, dad, the birth father, and my bishop. When I was 2 months along, <strong><em>we went to LDS Family services</em></strong>. And that's where my adoption journey really began. I met with my case worker (whose name I will not reveal for her own privacy's sake so we'll just call her Jan) and she put me on the path of options. I began meeting her once a week to help me through my emotions and sort out my problems. She also opened my eyes to every one of my decisions and helped me move toward the one I eventually felt comfortable with.<br /></span><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Now, before I continue, this is why I chose adoption:<br /></span></strong><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;"><span style="font-size:180%;">After a lot of thought, prayer, and consideration, I knew adoption was the right choice for me.</span> It's not for everyone, but it was for me. <strong><em>There are several reasons for my decision. </em></strong>Some are religious, some financial, some emotional, and some related to circumstance. My top reason, however, will forever and always be this: <span style="font-size:130%;"><em>My daughter is my most precious gift. And I love her unconditionally. I believe that when you love someone unconditionally you put their needs before your own. As a firm member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that every child is ENTITLED to certain blessings that come from the sealing covenant. That sealing covenant can only take place when a child has a married, temple-worthy mother and father, a condition that I was unable to offer at the time. As much as my heart yearned to keep her, and raise her, and have her as my own, I would never be at peace knowing I could have given her more. I wanted her to have stability. I wanted her to have a mom AND a dad. Parents who were mature and wise. I wanted her to have a stay at home mom, and younger siblings to love on her to pieces.</em></span> <strong>I couldn't offer those things, and probably never could. I had to listen to my head, not my heart. I gave her more by placing her for adoption than I ever could by keeping her.<br /></strong><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;">On June 1st, 2010,</span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygcUR2uBI/AAAAAAAACPo/edPiKnPxK1Y/s1600/baby+sophie+(125).JPG"><span style="color:#000000;"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 267px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5488938454198171666" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygcUR2uBI/AAAAAAAACPo/edPiKnPxK1Y/s400/baby+sophie+(125).JPG" /></span></a><span style="color:#000000;"><br />the most beautiful baby girl entered this world. She weighed 6 lbs 11 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. She has strawberry blond hair and adorable dimples when she smiles. This precious little girl is my daughter, Sophie. After a long 9 months of anxiously waiting, she arrived right on her due date. Which just goes to show that she's very special, seeing as only 2% of babies come on their due date;). Before I get into the emotional aspect of things I'll give a time line of how things went that day. I went in for an OBGYN appointment at 9:00 that morning. At approximately 11:30, my doctor came in and stripped my membranes. He said that I would feel some pain the rest of the day and then sent me off with a paper telling me to come in Thursday at 7:30 to be induced. Well, I instantly felt crampy and nasty and by noon I was experiencing my first major contractions. I got home by 12:15 and decided to stay home for a couple hours just to make sure I wasn't having false labor. By 2:30 we were out the door, on our way back to the hospital. By 4:30 they had my epidural in place and were wheeling me into a delivery room. Sophie was ready to come by 7:00 p.m. but they waited as long as they could so that her head was really low. She was delivered at 9:08 p.m.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000066;">The whole process went so unbelievably well and smoothly. I know it's a miracle (seeing as my pregnancy was high risk and the doctors were sure I was going to die…HA!) and I have the prayers of many to thank for the safe arrival of my little girl. She came by the use of forceps and they hardly left a mark on her tiny little head. It was by far the most amazing, spiritual experience I've ever had. My mom and Rebecca (Rebecca is Sophie’s adoptive mom) were in the delivery room with me. Rebecca cut Sophie's umbilical cord and even kept the bloody shears! haha I told her she should frame them. Sophie cried when she came out, like babies should, but immediately calmed down once placed on top of my chest.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><strong>Ok, now for the hard part</strong>. I was in the hospital for three days. By noon on Friday, I was released. Once home, I was able to spend a few hours with Sophie before heading to the adoption placement. We took a nap, curled up on my parent’s bed, and then woke to bathe and get dressed. 5:00 p.m. was our scheduled time to meet at LDS Family Services and do placement. We arrived on time and while I was signing paper work, Sophie's birth father was in another room with Sophie and the Adoptive Couple, saying his goodbyes. Once that was over, my parents, Sophie, and I met with the Adoptive Couple in what they call the "group room". <strong>We exchanged gifts </strong>and spent some time together talking, exchanging memories. Then, I asked to have some alone time with Sophie. Everyone (meaning Troy, Rebecca, my mom and dad, and our case workers) left the room while I shared some final moments with Sophie.<strong><span style="font-size:130%;"> I talked to her, I prayed for strength, and I fed her a bottle. After about 20 minutes I was ready to go. I felt like I was dragging out the pain. So I called them back in and handed Sophie to Rebecca, exchanged tight hugs, and left. And that was it. Sophie was gone</span></strong>.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#660000;">I had spent the past 9 months preparing for that final moment. The moment when I'd literally have to say goodbye and relinquish my parental rights. Well, I can tell you that no amount of counseling could have prepared me for the real thing. It was the most heart breaking moment of my life. Living through that first night without Sophie was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. My arms literally ached to hold her in my arms. The memories of her sweet little face and her big beautiful eyes looking up at me caused me so much emotional pain that it actually became physical. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't function. I barely made it through that first night. I was screaming out prayers to just make it through with out going insane. Only two days later it was still extremely hard, but I could already feel Heavenly Father easing my pain. I know that the pain will never fully leave me, but I do know that it will fade to a point where I can start to live again. This whole thing has been really hard for not only me, but my family as well. It's been an amazing, difficult journey for all of us; one that has brought us all closer together.<br /><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">I want everyone to know how much the adoptive family mean to me.</span></strong><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygdG64UbI/AAAAAAAACPw/3qmgkyj32i4/s1600/baby+sophie+(188).JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5488938467792015794" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygdG64UbI/AAAAAAAACPw/3qmgkyj32i4/s400/baby+sophie+(188).JPG" /></a><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">The adoption itself was/is extremely agonizing and painful, but the Adoptive Couple have made it 100 times easier. <strong><span style="font-size:180%;">They have opened their hearts and arms to me and my family. They text me pictures of Sophie every few hours just to reassure me that she's alive and safe. They allow me any kind of contact I need to fully heal from this experience, and not just me, but my family as well. They have become another branch to our family and because of that, I know that anyone who wants to, can meet little Sophie</span></strong>. She's my little angel, OUR most precious gift. <em><strong>I have entrusted her to a family that can offer her more than I ever could</strong>.</em> I've heard several other birth moms say that their adoptions were made easier because they felt like they were carrying some one else's baby. Well, I never felt like that. I have always felt like Sophie was my daughter, fully and completely, and that I was her mother. And THAT is why I had to make the choice. The choice that no one else could that would determine the quality of her future. <strong><em>As her mother, I had to choose what was best, since she lacked the ability to choose for herself. I know that I love Sophie with all my heart.</em></strong> I have never experienced this kind of love before now. It is incredible. <strong><span style="font-size:180%;">And it is because I love her that I was able to let her go. I put her needs before my own, and though extremely painful and heart breaking, it was right. And I know I'll be blessed for it.</span></strong> I can't wait to create more and more memories with her throughout her life. I am so blessed to even have that choice. Thank you Troy and Rebecca. Thank you for taking such good</span> <span style="color:#6600cc;">care of her, and me</span>.<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygdR03L7I/AAAAAAAACP4/jLSZp3u-gqQ/s1600/New+Image8.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5488938470719565746" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TCygdR03L7I/AAAAAAAACP4/jLSZp3u-gqQ/s400/New+Image8.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#000000;">If you read this and have any other questions you can visit my blog at shanaemykael.blogspot.com<br />Thanks for your time, and thank you Karine, for allowing me to share my story.<br /></span>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-91544383693293813902011-01-04T13:22:00.000-08:002011-01-04T13:26:37.650-08:00A must watch 16 and Pregnant<a href="http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-season-2-ep-19-ashley/1654754/playlist.jhtml">Click here </a>to see a must watch (I THINK) video of Ashley and her adoption journey. It was really honest. It shows what many birth moms feel, think and possibly go through emotionally while trying to place for adoption. I cried, so get your tissues out.Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-30001529179706942912010-12-26T07:02:00.001-08:002010-12-26T07:02:53.196-08:00Questions and answers from a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom<span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">1. What brought you to adoption?</span></em></strong><br /></span><span style="color:#990000;">( Birth Mom)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s1600/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 338px; HEIGHT: 396px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689932121832962" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrK1G_gI/AAAAAAAACnI/U3aLbmpGmIc/s400/Stefanie-Birth+Mom.jpg" /></a><br />Well. I was single and pregnant. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to LDS Family Services to talk to a counselor and so I did. And I wasn't so sure on adoption for about the first 4 months of my pregnancy. It was mentioned here and there but it always made mad or sad. I was very closed minded at first. But my heart began to soften as soon as I found out that Valery and Dustinn were looking to adopt.</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">(Adoptive Mom)<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s1600/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 255px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689940108457970" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrolRN_I/AAAAAAAACnQ/LLE8LYgtLkU/s400/Valery-Adoptive+Mom.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Like many other couples, infertility brought us to adoption.<br />We had been blessed with one biological son but hoped for more children. Starting the adoption process felt natural and right.<br /><br />Back in 2004, I was a senior at BYU. I was walking home from class one day and saw a toddler, wearing just a diaper, running back and forth across the street. I carried him to the side of the road and hung out with him until I met his mother. His mother, "N" was in dire straits. "N" and I became friends but even more so, her son "Angel" and I became friends. I'd regularly pick him up to go to the park or McDonald's. Sometimes when I returned with Angel I couldn't find "N" and Angel would stay with me (and my college roommates, haha) overnight.<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s1600/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 265px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689924010056818" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudqsnHHHI/AAAAAAAACmw/AkuFCT8jL9s/s400/Dustinn-Adoptive+Dad.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Dustinn came into the picture and together we continued to visit Angel as "N" hopped from place to place in the Salt Lake valley, and as Angel was in and out of foster care.<br /><br />In 2008 "N" and Angel moved again, except this time no one knew where they went. I haven't seen or heard from "N" or Angel since. But I miss him. I still keep my eyes peeled for him when we're in Utah. I can't help but think about how old he's turning every December 16th. I wonder what he's like and how he is doing in school. I wonder if anyone is helping him with his homework and reminding him that he is good and smart and important.<br />Dustinn and I pray that he's okay because we know often he was not.<br />The moral of this story is twofold:<br />1. I knew long ago that a child did not have to be biologically mine to love him/her with all my heart.<br />2. I know what it's like to wonder how a child is doing. We wouldn't ever want Stefanie to feel like that. While we're aware that open adoption isn't for everyone, it was important to us that Stefanie had that option.<br /></span><br /><em><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>2.What do you want out of the adoption relationship with each other. </strong></span></em><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I wanted a really close friendship like BFF's. Someone I can call and talk to even if I was having a bad day and needed a friend. I think our friendship has blossomed more and I think of Val as like my soul sister. :) </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Stef appreciates updates, pictures, visits and generally to have a continuing relationship with Olivia.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;">We don't have any expectations of things we'd like Stefanie to do for us/Olivia. However, she has done many wonderful and thoughtful things for us. She loves us and Bradshaw. She remembers and cares about important things in our life. She makes us feel special by spending time with us.<br />Generally, everyone in the adoption triad wants respect, understanding, patience and forgiveness (Dustinn and I are most definitely fallible!)<br />We are hopeful that an open adoption will help comfort and reassure Stefanie of her choice. We are hopeful that an open adoption will give Olivia answers, confidence and peace.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>3.What do you both want for the child that was placed for adoption? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I want her to be happy and to know that she's always loved from all different sorts of families. Your blood doesn't define your family. It's those that are closest to you. I want her to WANT to know where she comes from and that it's an awesome thing that she's adopted<br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></strong><em><strong>(Incidentally, prior to Olivia's birth we were on a long car ride with Stefanie and we all took turns making wishes for Olivia.)<br /></strong></em>Olivia's just a toddler now. We want her world to be warm, welcoming, friendly. We want Olivia to feel safe.<br />As she grows, we want her to be able to discover her talents and interests and to find joy and fulfillment in using them to help others.<br />We want her to know that she is a beloved daughter of God. That she is of divine worth.<br />We want her to know that God was aware of her birth and life. That He will hear and answer her prayers.<br />We want her to have the confidence that comes from knowing who she is and knowing what life is about.<br />We want her to know that she is dearly loved by her parents, siblings, birth mom, birth dad, and all of her extended family (birth family definitely included.)<br />We want her to know being adopted makes her special. </span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">4.How is your relation ship with each other?<br /></span></em></strong><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom) With Val (the adoptive mom) We're like sisters. With Olivia (birthdaughter) she's only 13 months old. But I know she'll always grow up knowing who I am and that we'll be super close. Not so much a mother/daughter relationship but maybe like an aunt/niece relationship. Sounds weird. I hated that idea at first. But it makes sense.</em></strong> </span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(</em></strong><span style="color:#3366ff;"><strong><em>Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> <strong><em>Good! Right, Stef?<br /></em></strong>We communicate primarily via email. Which works really well for me. (While I am not a shy person. I tend to shy away from the phone.)<br /><br />Stefanie lives in Utah, where a lot of my extended family also lives so we've visited Utah several times in the past year and have typically been able to see Stefanie and her family multiple times each visit. So we've had the chance to meet and get to know her boyfriend/fiance/now husband, to play games (hurrah for Kingsburg!) and catch up in person. </span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3366ff;"><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"><em>5. What would be advice you would give to other</em> <em>women considering adoption? </em></span></strong></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> It's hard and take the time to know you're doing what's best for YOU and for YOUR BABY. You will be affected by it but your baby will be affected more by your choices. I would advise you to do a pro/cons list. Get counseling. Go to groups, if there are any available in your community. Write in your journal. Pray often. Do what it is that will help you.<br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>6. What would be your advice to other hopeful adoptive couples? </strong></em></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong> After having gone through the adoption process and meeting so many wonderful couples. I know that you all have that precious spirit waiting to be born with you. And they're as excited as you are. I know times will be tough and it'll get discouraging but don't lose faith.<br />My other advice (it's going to be kind of harsh and to the point): Do NOT lead your birthmom on. Do NOT promise her something that you can't follow through with. Do NOT promise her an open adoption with all intentions to close it up after. We canNOT have PEACE without all the PIECES. A birthmom will find you that will fit into your family if that's what you like. Be true to yourself. We made all the promises and followed through with the adoption and gave you what you wanted. All we ask is that you return the favor. If you don't feel comfortable with an open adoption, research it. Find out more about it. You are most likely feeling uneasy because of the unknown. It's a wonderful experience and you would truely miss out and so will your future child.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> Keep a journal! Daily if possible. You will go through the whole gamut of emotions and see miracles that you'll want to remember--and even more so you'll experience things that you'll want to be able to tell your adopted child.<br />The more you write, the more you'll see.<br />I would especially note the "warm fuzzies" (such as sweet quotes your child's birth family says, special connections you have with the birth family, first impressions, etc.)<br />Plus, you never know if something you've written will someday be an answer your child seeks.<br /></span><br /></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><em><strong>7. How open is your adoption? What does OPEN mean to you? </strong></em><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I think it's super open. We don't live in the same state. But being as far away as we are, it's still close. We actually knew each other before. Dustinn (adoptive dad) is best friends with my brother in-law. And they found out I was pregnant and looking at options through my sister. I knew they were the perfect family already. Before I had Olivia, I flew out to Virginia and stayed with them for a week. Me and Val would call each other and E-mail. We both blog and she sends me pictures or will tell me something new about Olivia and sends me updates. It's awesome. When they're in town, we see each other. They let me babysit Olivia a few days after I had Olivia.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em> I believe it would be labeled as <em><strong>"very open."<br /></strong></em>We've seen each other many times since Olivia's been born. We've been in each other's homes. We love each other's extended family. We follow each other's blogs. We send pictures and give updates. We talk on the phone but mostly email.<br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><br /></span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>8. What does your Open adoption look like today? Has anything changed? More open? Less open?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> Today. It hasn't changed much. Except that our schedules are just so busy. She is taking care of two kids. I recently just got married. But when we have time we will E-mail. It's so convient just when you're on the computer and you only have a short amount of time that you can always get back on and E-mail back when you have time. I feel bad if she calls and I can't answer and I don't call back. And I don't want Dustinn or Val to feel obligated that they have to call me back right away and that I'll be angry forever. I know they'll get back to me when they can. They're great. I'm sure we're both nervous about stepping on eachother's toes but nothing too horrible has gone wrong. Haha. </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:100%;color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> It's only been a year. I guess the biggest change is my husband is now an MBA student--so we're on a student budget and will be traveling less this year than we did last year. Otherwise nothing has changed.<br />Equally open.<br /><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>9. What were your insecurities about placing for adoption and about adopting? </strong></em></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I was afraid that Olivia wouldn't know that I loved her or that I didn't know who I was. That Dustinn and Val decided that I was somehow a threat (or a psycho) to her and their family and would cut off all contact. I'm afraid that later on that when Olivia gets older that she will choose on her own that she doesn't want contact with me. I don't want it to be that somehow a huge fight will happen and we won't ever talk to each other again.<br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)</em></strong> -First we worried that we wouldn't be chosen by a birth mother.<br />-Shortly after Stefanie chose us, she flew from Utah to Virginia to spend time with us. I was worried if my bath tub was clean. I was worried if my cooking tasted good. I worried whether she was bored. I was worried about what she thought of our parenting. Mostly, I was worried if it was a week long interview. (Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Within hours of Stef arriving, she saw our son's worst behavior. ever. And she still placed with us!!! The week was extremely fun: the highlights being the times she opened up to us regarding what she was feeling and thinking.)<br />-During Stefanie's pregnancy, we worried about placement HARD. Every woman who goes through that is a superhero in my book.)<br />-Now, mostly we worry about letting Stefanie down. Not in terms of parenting or who we are. More in terms of maintaining the relationship (ie sending enough/the right pictures, finding the balance between visiting Stefanie without neglecting other relatives we have in Utah, etc.)<br />(And new worries will likely crop up as Olivia grows up. :)<br /></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#990000;"><span style="color:#3333ff;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>10. How are you (the birth mom) known to the child? Are you called by name? a nickname? Are you known as the birth mom?<br /></strong></em></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><em><strong>(Birth Mom)</strong></em> I'm just Stefanie. Nothing to special right now just because Olivia is barely one. I'm sure she'll just know me as Stefanie and she'll know that I'm her birthmom. She won't ever call me mom because I'm not raising her, Val is. Val is her mom.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong>Olivia is only 13 months old so she does't talk a lot. :)<br />Stef and I talked about what she'd prefer. We decided Olivia will call her "Stef/Stefanie" and of course she will know that Stefanie is her birth mother, her angel. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong><em>11. Did you both come up with a story together on how the child would know he/she was placed for adoption and why? Or did just the AParent?<br /></em></strong></span><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> I haven't even thought about it. Haha. I know that Dustinn and Val will do a great job with that and that I don't really have to worry about it.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong> Stefanie made Olivia a beautiful picture album.<br />With Olivia, there will never be a "big reveal." She will always know that she's adopted, has a birth mother and birth father who love her dearly, and that she came to our family in a very special way. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><strong>12.Who named the child? <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s1600/Olivia.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 335px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689929176322594" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudq_22EiI/AAAAAAAACm4/UqSW5vfSRCI/s400/Olivia.jpg" /></a><br /></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#990000;"><strong><em>(Birth Mom)</em></strong> We both sort of did. What happened was that when I was planning on parenting. I was going to name her Olivia Nicole. Nic is the birthfather and so Nicole would be after him. I told Val that after I decided to place. And they decided to keep the first name Olivia and to change her middle name to Kate after Val's great-grandmother and her sister. It didn't upset me. I was kind of unsure about it at first and I didn't know if I liked how it sounded together. But it grew on me. And I look at her and she's DEFINITELY an Olivia Kate. Not an Olivia Nicole.<br /></span><span style="color:#3333ff;"><em><strong>(Adoptive Mom)</strong></em>We named her together.<br />It makes me laugh to remember this detail about the night we'd found out Stefanie was placing with us. That day, out of the blue, we'd received a package in the mail. When we opened the package we saw an ultrasound picture and the caption "it's a girl!" Beneath the picture was a letter that started "I wanted to let you know what you're having." (Thinking about it still gives me chills.)<br />We had company in town so Dustinn and I went out walking in the dark, warm summer night to call Stefanie. After squeals, tears and excitedly talking at the same time, she asked, "so....what are you going to name her?" "Oh Stef, we have no idea! We just found out we're going to be parents a few minutes ago."<br />We spent the next couple of days thinking about it. Stefanie had told us "if I was keeping her I would name her Olivia" but she in no way pressured us to choose that name. We'd previously planned on giving all our children family names. Then we had this "ah-ha!" moment: Olivia would be a family name--from Stefanie's side. (It also helped that we think Olivia is a beautiful name.)<br />Olivia's middle name is Kate after my Great Grandmother and my sister. A lot of people don't know their great grandparents very well but that is not the case for me. I spent many summers having sleep-overs at her house, eating her delicious cooking, doing cartwheels in her yard, and eating vegetables straight from their garden. Only after my own bout with infertility were my eyes opened to my Great Grandma's trials with wanting children. She was always cheerful and charitable.<br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#000000;"><em><strong>13.Anything else you want to add? </strong></em></span></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><em>(Adoptive Mom)<br /></em></strong><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s1600/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 268px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533689931550616466" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TMudrIs665I/AAAAAAAACnA/sz3qN3r4t_0/s400/Olivia++her+birthdad.jpg" /></a><br />Yes! You asked specifically for a birth mom and adoptive parent story combined, so I focused on the relationship between Stefanie and I.<br />However, Olivia's story is incomplete without her amazing birth dad!<br />We got to know him and became friends before Olivia was born and continue to communicate and see him often. He loves Olivia very much.<br />He recently got married and he & his wife are an important part of our lives.<br /></span><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-8599002873307172112010-12-23T08:35:00.000-08:002010-12-23T08:45:19.456-08:00Merry Christmas Everyone...<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TRN8mpLfzOI/AAAAAAAACvc/9COOQ7biWC4/s1600/P1160187.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TRN8mpLfzOI/AAAAAAAACvc/9COOQ7biWC4/s400/P1160187.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5553919768808901858" /></a><br />I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope and pray that your holiday seasons are filled with joy and peace. That you are all surrounded by your loved ones. <br /><br />I hope that everyone remembers their very special birth mother and/or birth family. Do something special to let them know how very special they are to you in your life! :) <br /><br />To all my birth mother friends, I love you! I appreciate your example of love and faith. Thank you for blessing my life with your friendship and your life lessons. <br /><br />To all my hopeful adoptive friends, I love you too! For you are a strength to me in my time of need as we are all hoping and waiting together to be blessed with someone special to complete our families.<br /><br />May you all feel blessed and hope in your lives. May we all recognize the daily miracles that God graces us with. From my Heart to Yours! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!11Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-87327529320253239802010-12-20T14:48:00.000-08:002010-12-20T14:49:08.529-08:00A Wonderful Open Adoption Story<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msKal_8RI/AAAAAAAABuw/3as6aac6Uk8/s1600/11-10-08(2).jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 300px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465588917728178450" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msKal_8RI/AAAAAAAABuw/3as6aac6Uk8/s400/11-10-08(2).jpg" /></a> <span style="color:#000066;">This beautiful young lady is Cami! Her story is very sweet! I love how she feels about adoption!!!<br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;">"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Oliver Goldsmith<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000066;">When I think over my high school career, one thing stands out the most, <strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Lily's adoption</span></strong>. This marked a struggle, but a changing point in my life and I have been grateful ever since.<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#336666;">During my sophomore year in high school I was making choices that weren't the greatest. But it was a total shocker when I found out I was pregnant. But I knew way before I took that test. I stared at the positive sign thinking, "how did it get this far? It should have never gotten this bad. <span style="color:#003333;"><strong>What happened to my relationship with my Heavenly Father?".</strong></span> I was scared at what laid ahead.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#993399;">The next few weeks were a blur. I hid it from everyone. <strong><em>It was heart wrenching when I was named cheerleader of the year, knowing I wouldn't be back the next season.</em></strong> <span style="font-size:180%;">It was heart wrenching when I finally told my Dad,</span> knowing I could no longer hide this secret and I needed help. I knew he no longer trusted me, and it hurt. <strong><span style="font-size:180%;">I just wanted to hide in my room and cry.</span></strong> Instead I had to finish the school year facing my peers. Although I didn't come out in say it, rumors were already being spread and it hurt. During this time I could only think about me; How I could not longer cheer, how those around me could no longer trust me, how things in my life were going to change.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#3366ff;">My Dad counselled me to go to LDS Family Services. At first I went to make him happy. I listened, but I didn't really feel. My caseworker said one thing that always replayed in my head though,<strong><span style="color:#003333;"> "<span style="font-size:130%;">It doesn't matter what is best for you but for your baby".</span></span></strong> Or something to that effect. Although during this time, I didn't act upon this, it was a constant reminder in my head.<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#000099;">In July of 2008 things changed. My then boyfriend and I started having more problems and things ended. And my family was in shambles because of other reasons. With my world being thrown up around me, I tried to focus on the one thing I still had, this pregnancy. I wanted to parent this child so badly, but I knew <span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>I had to what was best for my child and I was going to do whatever that was, even if it hurt me.</em></strong></span> I was doing all the necessary steps for adoption but never came out to say I chose adoption. Maybe then I wasn't sure, maybe I just wasn't confident with it yet.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">I started looking at couples online. I changed the requirements with every search. But for some reason <strong><em>I always ended up looking at families who already had children. For some reason I was drawn to them. </em></strong>But nothing like when I read and looked at T and B's profile. Their kids I loved by just looking at them. I emailed them for the first time with one line. <span style="font-size:180%;color:#330033;">"how do you feel about openness?"</span> They emailed back and their response to my question just felt right. We started emailing daily. It was the highlight of my day. I would read, reread, and then email back to them. Their children asked me the cutest questions like "what color is your phone?" or "how many trophies do you have?". <span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>I fell in love with this family. They felt like my family.</em></strong></span> The told me about this book called, "For the Love of a Child", I went and got it the next day. I read it all in one night. I cried and had a strong feeling that this was the family.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#339999;">We agreed to meet for dinner. T & B, my sister, my dad and I all met up at California Pizza Kitchen. They mostly talked as I listened. I was nervous and shy. With a little push from my dad I asked the one question I had been longing to ask,<span style="font-size:180%;"> <strong><em><span style="color:#336666;">"Will you adopt my baby?"</span></em></strong>.</span> They said yes. We hugged and took pictures. We agreed to meet up again, this time with the kids.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000066;">Our next visit was at the park. The kids brought me a stuffed bear with their voices recorded telling me they loved me. We played. C (their youngest), tried to lift up my shirt to see baby Lily. <strong><span style="color:#3366ff;">I loved them.</span></strong><br /></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msLe4H5fI/AAAAAAAABvA/C_6FCx2Df2Q/s1600/DSCN4748.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 299px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465588936057808370" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msLe4H5fI/AAAAAAAABvA/C_6FCx2Df2Q/s400/DSCN4748.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#663366;">The next few weeks went by fast. They were getting ready for the new baby, and I was looking forward to holding that little angel in my arms. My due date came and went. No baby. A few days later I was induced.<em> <strong><span style="font-size:180%;">The next day at 8:30 pm, my angel was born. They laid her in my arms and I just stared. She was beautiful, and I was in love.</span></strong></em> I called T and B to tell them she was born and they were excited. They and the kids visited me the next day. Holding Lily and loving her. <span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>I also felt the love they had for me.</strong><br /></span></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msK_UPEyI/AAAAAAAABu4/fL3MhvfVLtQ/s1600/1115_106.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465588927585784610" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msK_UPEyI/AAAAAAAABu4/fL3MhvfVLtQ/s400/1115_106.jpg" /></a><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">I took Lily home to spend a few days with her. I wanted to spend time and love on her.</span></strong> I held her, kissed her, and told her how much I loved her. The last night she was visiting my home, I held her all night. We both slept through the night cuddling. It was amazing. I met up with her parents in the morning to take pictures (courtesy of Lily P. Photography). And we agreed to meet that afternoon for placement.<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#339999;">We left my house late and arrived at the agency to T & B, and my caseworker already waiting. I held Lily as I signed the adoption papers. I wanted that reminder why I was doing this right there in my arms. <span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>I knew she deserved a two-parent home, parents who prepared and planned for her, the opportunity to be sealed, and a life I couldn't give her.</strong></span> I am grateful for T and B being there and being ready for her. We walked to the car together, I buckled her in her car seat and I gave her a million kisses. I hugged Tand B. We said our goodbyes. The car ride home was the worst. Were Lily once sat, I now sat. My sisters on both sides of me holding my hands. <span style="font-size:180%;">I knew it would be ok, but right then it hurt so bad</span>. I spent the evening with one of my best friends. We watched movies, played games, and ate yummy chocolates Lily's family had brought me in the hospital. All while I laid around in my pajamas. <span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><em>T and B surprised me with pictures that night of Lily and her siblings. I loved them</em></strong>.<br /></span></span><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msL6wSCvI/AAAAAAAABvQ/hY4yDqZhKuY/s1600/portraitsessionwithlily+048.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465588943541111538" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msL6wSCvI/AAAAAAAABvQ/hY4yDqZhKuY/s400/portraitsessionwithlily+048.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#000066;"><span style="font-size:180%;">This family has become some of my greatest friends, and support. They not only love Lily, but they love me, and there is never a doubt in my mind about this.</span> We have hung out many times since placement. Each time I was grateful that this family was ready for Lily and that I was led to them. There is not one thing i would change.<br /></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msLiaA5eI/AAAAAAAABvI/Rc_sHC_etr4/s1600/IMG_9326.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 267px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465588937005262306" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msLiaA5eI/AAAAAAAABvI/Rc_sHC_etr4/s400/IMG_9326.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><em><strong>Adoption has helped me become a better person</strong></em>. It is a huge part of my life. I often feel the blessings adoption brings to my life. <span style="font-size:180%;">I cherish the visits, and the friendships I have developed from Lily's entire family and extended family, adoptive parents, birth parents, and so many other people.</span> I love all of them. <span style="font-size:180%;color:#663366;"><em>I feel blessed to be apart of adoption, especially an open one.</em></span> I often feel like I am apart of special group of people. I am thankful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and how much he has brought me up in my hard times. </span><span style="color:#6600cc;"><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;">Adoption isn't always easy, but it's well worth it.</span></em></strong><strong><em><span style="font-size:180%;"> </span></em></strong></span><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msYFWp5II/AAAAAAAABvY/Y6I039neyFk/s1600/wholefam.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 276px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465589152544842882" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/S9msYFWp5II/AAAAAAAABvY/Y6I039neyFk/s400/wholefam.jpg" /></a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-58345569855315809832010-12-13T17:52:00.001-08:002010-12-13T17:56:36.113-08:00Birth Mothers 4 adoption did it again...Check out this <a href="http://birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com/2010/12/bond-of-silence.html">blog post</a> from Birth Mothers 4 adoption. I love these ladies and I saw this and just had to share! :) A MUST READ! LOVE YOU DESHA AND JESSA :)Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-80155776282120191242010-12-13T05:57:00.001-08:002010-12-14T10:44:07.369-08:00Lindsey's Hope<span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">This is Lindsey, many of you know her as </span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Mrs. R.<br />I asked Lindsey if she would like to share with us how adpoti</span><span style="font-size:85%;">on is blessing </span></span><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-size:85%;">her life. This was her reply...<br /></span><br /></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQYmkUjUarI/AAAAAAAACvE/uRhjs_g7sZg/s1600/the%2Br%2Bhouse%2Bfamily%2Bphoto.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 294px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550165996214708914" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQYmkUjUarI/AAAAAAAACvE/uRhjs_g7sZg/s400/the%2Br%2Bhouse%2Bfamily%2Bphoto.JPG" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">There were several years when i would wake up every morning and convince myself that the life I was leading was enough for me. I would go through the motions--pressing snooze on my cell phone and shoving it under my pillow just to have it wake me up again 7 minutes later. (Repeat 4-5 times.) Getting ready for work in the bathroom, racing the clock, racing to work ...and watching everyone else's children file into my third grade classroom. Some days I totally had myself convinced that that was the life that I was always destined to lead. After all, I loved being a third grade teacher. I loved the times table songs, the cursive (no, that's a lie. i hate cursive.), the literature, the rising independence, the hugs, the drawings, the student council I helped with and above all--I loved the creative writing. Oh the things these little minds would come up with! And the illustrations! I was in teacher heaven. Except when I wasn't.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">After years of trying to conceive and feeling like a failure, I remember going to work one day and just feeling defeated. (A dangerous emotion of a leader of 30 9 year olds.) Sitting at my desk, I encouraged the kids filing in to put their backpacks away and get busy on the self-starter activity on the board.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">One of those little gems walked over to me and handed me a black box. My heart jumped a little as I gave them a squeeze and said thank you. I didn't open it right then as someone needed my help and it sat on my desk until lunch time.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">During those dark years of suffering silently with infertility, I often ate lunch in my classroom away from the other teachers whom I didn't really know all that well--probably because I ate lunch in my classroom! I opened the little black box and read the card that accompanied a beautiful sterling silver necklace. Reading that card changed my life. It was a definition of <strong>hope</strong> and a necklace with hope engraved in it. That gift gave meaning to a word that I was starting to forget the meaning of but needed now more than ever.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">\hōp\ vb hoped; hop-ing: to desire with expectation of fulfillment; n: 1: TRUST, RELIANCE 2: desire accompanied by expectation of fulfillment; also : something hoped for 3: one that gives promise for the future 4: Considering something possible, combined with a desire for it. A wish or longing for something that seems impossible.<br /></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQYmkD4hK5I/AAAAAAAACu8/cj3DMPfoYfQ/s1600/hope%2Bnecklace.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 137px; HEIGHT: 169px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5550165991740222354" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQYmkD4hK5I/AAAAAAAACu8/cj3DMPfoYfQ/s400/hope%2Bnecklace.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">My morning routine has changed dramatically since those teacher days. I never set an alarm. Every morning around 7 am, I hear 2 sets of feet toddle into my room, dragging the blankets that we had made for them (and a matching one for their birth mothers). The oldest set of feet go over to my husband's side of the bed. "Daddy, can I play the big iPod?" He asks. Laughing, my husband makes him say good morning and give him a kiss before signing off on the early morning game playing.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">The other set of feet come to my side of the bed--his head and shoulder barely visible above the mattress. "Mommy!" he cheers as though he hasn't seen me in ages. I giggle every morning as I watch him struggle to hoist those little legs up over the collection of blankets and snuggle next to me on my pillow.<strong> </strong>Every morning I am amazed by how soft his cheeks are.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">I still have to coax myself to get our of bed, but it is usually with some prodding from a little that needs "appa jus."<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">Every morning it is the same thing.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;color:#000000;">And every morning I don't need any convincing that the life I am leading is enough. It is more than enough. It is more that I ever thought we would be able to experience. Every morning, at some point, I realize that I am living what was once thought impossible. Every morning I am grateful for every morning I get to be a mother.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"></span>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-13852111590987600382010-12-11T16:08:00.000-08:002010-12-11T16:11:13.155-08:00Taren, a Birth Mom, in the newspaperYou all have to check out Taren! She is on my Birth Mom panel and she is amazing! She is in the Twin Falls Paper...<br /><br />Link to this..... <a href="http://www.magicvalley.com/lifestyles/faith-and-values/article_948cd2ac-9250-5d76-b763-ab178efaae02.html">share</a><br /> http://www.magicvalley.com/lifestyles/faith-and-values/article_948cd2ac-9250-5d76-b763-ab178efaae02.html<br /><br />Its a wonderful article! I am so excited for her and she did an amazing job sharing her adoption story! :) GO TAREN!!!!1Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-69284737517935417882010-12-09T06:06:00.000-08:002010-12-09T06:18:29.437-08:00Kristi's Story<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDjPYSoznI/AAAAAAAACuk/dGryeBXGt3I/s1600/kristi%252520with%252520jenna%252520and%252520adad.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 297px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684594278616690" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDjPYSoznI/AAAAAAAACuk/dGryeBXGt3I/s400/kristi%252520with%252520jenna%252520and%252520adad.jpg" /></a><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">I am Kristi. I placed my daughter Jenna on July 14th 2005.The placement is very open. She lives down on the West Coast of Florida and I get visit twice a year, phone calls, and pictures by email. I also was placed but mine was an International Placement from DRC Africa in 1982. I was only two and came to America with an American family. I did not know my biological father. My biological mother passed away when I was one. So I was with my family and relatives but they wanted more for me and gave me to an American family and they ended up getting me in 1982.<br /></span><span style="color:#000000;">I am 28 years old and I have another daughter Whitney is 11 years old. My hobbies are travelling, surrfing the web, and collecting postcards. I have over 2,000!<br /><br />Thanks for reading my story!<br /><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">Kristi’s Story:<br /><br /></span></strong><span style="color:#990000;">At the end of November 2004 I was late. I did not think I was pregnant but I did take a pregnancy test. My due date was July 15th, 2005 but I actually delivered on July 13th, 2005.<br /><br />I started working on the placement from the week of Monday March 7th.My dad found out I was pregnant in March and said he knew a couple that were looking for a placement again. He gave them a call. So they decided to do it then and I went though a private lawyer. So he met with me on June 30th. I was really coming to reality before I was too but not as much as that day. I did get a worksheet with things to fill out. I also met with a placement specialist and even went to a support group twice before I placed my daughter.<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;">Finally on July 13th I had my midwife and nurse and doula there. I arrived at the hospital at 9: 45 am. At 11:55 AM Jenna Aariah was born. The family arrived as did a few close friends who were allowed to visit. I received roses and Jenna and I were each given the exact same teddy bear so that I can always be with her in thought.<br /></span><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi9xeHF6I/AAAAAAAACuE/Ad7XBxPkL1U/s1600/Jenna2.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 297px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684291799979938" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi9xeHF6I/AAAAAAAACuE/Ad7XBxPkL1U/s400/Jenna2.jpg" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi9owgIyI/AAAAAAAACt8/wjZBfil6eCw/s1600/Jenna1.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 297px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684289461199650" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi9owgIyI/AAAAAAAACt8/wjZBfil6eCw/s400/Jenna1.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#990000;">When Jenna left with the adoptive parent that was hard to see her go. Nine days later on July 24th they stopped by heading back from Northern Indiana.<br /><br />I did not see her again until Thanksgiving 2005. She was already 4 months then. I saw her a year from that November 25th, 2006. I also saw her again on January 4th 2008. My placement is very open. They have my address, email address, and phone number. I also talk to Jenna on the phone. She has great conversational skills for being 3 years old.<br /></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-WqIx8I/AAAAAAAACuU/Cg0uvKagUiU/s1600/Jenna%252520cookies2.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 300px; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684301782534082" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-WqIx8I/AAAAAAAACuU/Cg0uvKagUiU/s400/Jenna%252520cookies2.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#000000;">The days also do get easier. I still get pictures of her. I also get DVD pictures of her. Jenna has 3 sisters. The adoptive parents have girls from China and she has another sister because I have a 11 year old daughter named Whitney that is her half sister. Jenna also has a new cousin from China that is not even two years old. She is not the youngest one anymore. She also has a sweet cousin from China name Leeanna. She sees her sister Whitney when she comes, that is about 4 times. She has been in Florida since July 2005.<br /></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-GDwjOI/AAAAAAAACuM/X4j_-aeQezk/s1600/Jenna%252520cookies.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 300px; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684297326595298" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-GDwjOI/AAAAAAAACuM/X4j_-aeQezk/s400/Jenna%252520cookies.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#990000;">I do miss her but she is in great hands. That is my story. You can contact me via email. <span style="color:#000000;">kikizulu@hotmail.com </span>I would love to hear from you all at there who we shared the same experience!! Thanks!!<br /><br /></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-pQt38I/AAAAAAAACuc/5MALb1UBE88/s1600/Jenna%252520with%252520sisters.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 300px; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548684306776186818" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6cO3w-Abu30/TQDi-pQt38I/AAAAAAAACuc/5MALb1UBE88/s400/Jenna%252520with%252520sisters.jpg" /></a>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-26135093616700789392010-12-05T09:35:00.000-08:002010-12-05T09:35:11.487-08:00Adoption and Abortion<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KGCxBmoAIAE?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425"></iframe>Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1241518322644579596.post-85440457592900415892010-12-05T08:23:00.000-08:002010-12-05T08:31:26.781-08:00Pieces of the Puzzle...Check out this blog, http://makingitnotfakingit.blogspot.com/ its a blog that I made to help me focus on the positives in my life.<br /><br />I love the picture and the saying that I posted on it. It talks about how everyone who is on this earth is meant to be here. Along with that, I believe that everyone who is on this earth is meant to be here and God has a plan purpose for us all.<br /><br />I believe sometimes that plan and purpose is to be a Birth Mother. I believe these women were chosen from God to help make families. Which is a pretty amazing thing. Its right up there next to God's job, making people and families! That is how much respect I have for Birth Mothers. These women are amazing! You ladies are <strong>NOT FORGOTTEN!</strong> At least not with me or the people that support this blog! We adore you! We respect and honor you! We are in AWE over who you are and the great example of what LOVE is. Thank you for being in my life... for being so many other's lives. I know you make a lasting impression on us all that I believe can and does change us to try to be better people.<br /><br />Anyhow, check out the blog picture. I like it and had to share it. I felt like it fit for this blog. A Birth Mother/Father sometimes are the missing piece in all our lives. God Bless!Karinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17154884929715917363noreply@blogger.com0