Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Advice for Birth Mothers TO BE from Birth Mothers

I asked my Birth Mother friends if they would share one or two things that they would share with a Birth Mom to be. I am so thankful that these ladies are willing to share their thoughts with you.

#1 Taren:
(a Birth Mom who has placed and kept. She is also apart of Birth Mom group.)
Taren says,"to an expecting mother... i think its important to know that you have been given this child to make sure you do what ever is best for not just yourself but especially the child... keeping or placing and its not a matter of whether you can do it or not, of course you can! Its not a matter of whether you want this baby, of course you do! but what does this baby deserve and how will you get that for him or her and can you?... is that maybe by marrying the birth father... or choosing one who has been married to an amazing woman that unfortunately cannot have any babies of her own?
Follow your heart and know that only you can give this baby the best life possible.
Placing your child doesn't mean it has to be the end. There are many couples who will welcome not just the baby you give them, but you as well as family.

#2Desha: (her adoption video is always on the top left side of this blog. She has placed a child)
Desha says,"my top 3 pieces of advice....
~ talk to an adoption attorney beforehand, (regardless of what your caseworker or agency has told you), to find out the rights of everyone involved.
~have a signed/notarized post placement contact agreement before the baby is born, regardless of how well you know and/or like the couple AND regardless of whether or not you know what sort of contact you want after placement- a good baseline/starting off point is an email update and 10 pictures every two weeks until re-negotiated by both the birth mother and the adoptive couple at a later date.
~ you want it to be a happy experience? then make it be just that, adoption is what you make of it... with sentimental exchanges at the giving and receiving, a photographer to capture the candid moments, preparation in advance for placement day, not having an attitude of 'this is the end', etc.

#3 Carol:( Carol has children and placed a child for adoption, just married and is pregnant)
Carol says,"Always put the lord first in your decisions, he NEVER let's you down.
Sharing a precious life that we have been handed is an amazing experience.
Adoption has been an experience I have never thought I would be a part of, and am so grateful I am and will always be a part of that bond!!"

#4 Elyse:( she placed a child)
Elyse says,"I would advise her to be true to her heart above all else. An adoption will never be successful if she isn't 100 percent sure of her motives, the adoptive parents, or anything else, it will haunt her if she's not"

#5 Brianna( just recently placed a child)
Brianna says,"Being a birth mom is AMAZING!!! I love it. Although i do miss my son sometimes, i know it was the best thing for him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and probably will ever do, but it was also the best. It's also been a blessing for me and the adoptive parents. I love seeing pictures of them. They love him so much, and that is EXACTLY the type of parents i wanted him to have."

#6 Jennilee ( a birth mom who placed a child) She says,"What I would recommend is spend time with your baby, take lots of pictures, write your feelings down. Have a good support system, have open communication with the adoptive family about openness and be open to change how much contact you need as you may not know what you want right now. Take time for you. Let yourself grieve. Pamper yourself. "

Last comment to Adoptive Couples from Taren :
She says,"I think that it is important for potential adoptive couple to know that there is no reason to feel threatened by birth moms. Yes, we love this child but that is why we are placing them with you. We want better for these babies and choose you because we know in our hearts you will do give our child that. I've talked with a few birth mom's who have had issues with the couple not wanting to have contact anymore and though it breaks their heart they all say they know the baby is meant for the family and don't regret doing what they know was best for the child even if at the time their own heart was breaking. When the couples show they love us and trust us just as much as we trust them I think it makes the connection comes with adoption that much greater as well as the level of respect between all the parents involved. How wonderful that can be for the child!"

Thank you ladies for your input and advice! HUGS!!!!


  1. Well said Taren and sooooo true! I wish some couples could see past the fear and open their hearts because they are missing out on an amazing relationship, for both them and their child. It's one that's truly life changing!

  2. I really appreciate you ladies and your advice to other birth moms to be.
    Thank you for being you, for being my friends and for wanting to help others! YOUR ALL AMAZING!