Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Kayla's story is a MUST READ!!!!!!!!

This is beautiful KAYLA! She placed two children after marriage for adoption.

My name is Kayla Janssen and I am currently 20 years old. I am going to school full time for Criminal Justice a year behind what would be “my class”. I had plans to go to school my first year out of high school, but I found myself in August of my senior year (2007) pregnant.
My pregnancy with my son was complicated, and frustrating. When I was a few months, my boyfriend at the time decided that he was going to join the Marines...so I spent nearly 3 weeks without any support. He came home earlier than expected because he was discharged for medical reasons. I was diagnosed with Preeclampsia and had high blood pressure and severe swelling through my entire pregnancy. I had to wear slippers to school, and sit sideways in the desks. I cannot even explain the hurt that I received from my fellow students over the looks and comments they made when they saw me. I was the perfect kid. I never did drugs, I never went to parties, I got straight A’s, and I volunteered. I was the girl that NO ONE could have ever imagined would be a teen mom...but little did I know that my whole world was about to come crashing down.
(3D pictures 7 months along James)

I gave birth on March 25, 2008 to my son James. My boyfriend was a little supportive which helped. We had been dating for a little over a year when I got pregnant, but had been sexually active for almost 9 months before that. At this point in our lives, we were set on staying together, and raising our son as a family. On July of 2008 we got married, and I got pregnant that same week. I found out a couple months later and was terrified to tell my husband, as he only wanted one child.

So we made plans to give, what would be our daughter, Emma, up for adoption while keeping out 6 month old son James. On October 14 of 2008, my husband came home from work at 2am after work and told me that he wanted a divorce after less than 3 months of being married... So I found myself alone with my 7 month old son, and almost 3 months pregnant with my daughter, and I had NO idea what to do, or where to turn.

Backtracking a little bit... Earlier in my teen years (when I was 15) I lifeguarded in Waupaca, WI at Spencer Lake Christian Center, which was an hour away from my home. While I lifeguarded I lived with a couple whose names were Bob and Tracy. Tracy's mother, Mary Lou, worked with my mom in our church office, so that is how I met them. I stayed at their house when I would work 2 or more days in a row, so that I wouldn’t have to drive every single day. After I stopped lifeguarding in 2007, I hadn’t spoken to them......

I moved back in with my mom and dad on October 16 of 2008. After a while I told my mom I was pregnant again, and that I was looking into adoption for both of my children. She had heard through Mary Lou (remember, that lady that my mom works with) that Bob and Tracy had been trying to have children for going on 5 years. They had been trying to have their own children since the year before I stayed with them. They had looked into adoption in early 2008 and things hadn't been working out the way that they wanted. So, they stopped looking and in March of that year Tracy prayed this exactly... “God, if you want us to have children you need to drop them in our lap.” That was right around the time James was born. I hadn't found out they prayed this until later.

So, in November I sent Bob a message on facebook of all places, just telling him my situation and that I had heard that they were looking into adoption. We met at Culver's for the first time and they met my son James. They were so excited, and I was too. After meeting there was a lot to think about and deal with. What if I did decide to do adoption? Would they take good care of James? Would they take Emma too? There were very few things that I was completely certain of when I decided to do adoption...James and Emma WERE going to stay together, and they deserved a mom AND a dad that loved them, and loved each other. So, the choice was made.

December 19, 2008 I signed temporary custody forms so that Bob and Tracy could have James in their home. My husband at the time (we were not together) refused to sign the papers, even though he knew it was what was best. So, Tracy, Bob, my mother, and I went to where he worked and had him paged so he could sign the papers. He had refused to return my calls, or return my emails, and he left me no choice. He hadn’t seen James in nearly 3 months, so that day I brought James over for him to see him before he left. That day at his house we got into an argument over something that was probably really dumb now, and my x got violent with me, tried to pull me down a flight of stairs, and threw a mayonnaise jar at me... after filing domestic abuse, I KNEW that I had made the right choice in adoption. There was NO doubt in my mind.

(8 days before placing James for adoption )

I gave James to Bob and Tracy for Christmas on December 20, of 2008. It was his first one and I wanted them to be able to share that with them. They said he was the best Christmas present they ever got. :)

The days to follow were hard. I remember very vividly the day after James went to be with Bob and Tracy....I woke up in the morning thinking, “Why didn’t James wake me up at all last night or this morning?”...Then I leaned over to pull him out of the crib...and it was all gone. I cried every single day in the shower for weeks after that...It was harder than I ever imagined.

A few weeks after that I went to visit him and when I walked in he didn’t even recognize me. He wouldn’t even smile at me, or come by me if I called his name...It broke my heart to know that I would NEVER again be his “mom” that he came to if he had a “boo boo” or if someone was being mean to him. That would be Tracy.

At this point, James was 9 months and I was 5 months pregnant with Emma (she was due on April 29...Bob’s birthday).

Bob and Tracy kept up with me throughout my entire pregnancy with Emma, which was really good. I didn't have any issues the entire time I was pregnant.
(7 months 3d Emma)

I basically had the most perfect pregnancy that anyone can ask for. I gained a whopping 20 lbs, and could eat whatever I wanted whenever. Although she did wake me up at 3 am every single night. I can’t complain too much. On April 17, 2009, I woke up, went to take a shower and “tada” there was my mucus plugg. I do have to say that it was one of the nastiest things I have ever seen...but it is all part of life I guess...At 11am I went into labor. We called Bob and Tracy, and let them know, we had called them earlier that morning to tell them I had lost my mucus plugg. They had an hour drive to get to where I was. They showed up, and all I saw was excitement in their faces. That night, after 9 hours of labor, and one giant push, she was born, and they named her Emma Rose.

They hadn't told anyone what they were going to name here, so it was exciting. We stayed in the hospital together, and the hospital actually gave them a room to stay in. Tracy had been taking supplements so that she could breast feed, so as night she stayed in their room, and during the day they all came into mine. On Sunday, I went home alone, and they went home with my daughter.

That day was probably one of the hardest. Me and my mom go into the car and just started crying. Neither of us knew what to say to the other because we were both hurting, and nothing was going to change that. The day I went home was terrible, not only because of the fact that I had just given Emma away, but me and my mom decided to go to Pizza Hut and pick up some pasta...We get all the way home, which is about 30 minutes away, and it’s the wrong one. We started bawling over it, even though it wasn’t a big deal, but our whole day had just fallen apart. Well, Pizza Hut came and delivered our right order after my mom gave them a guilt trip about how I had just given up my child and just wanted some stinking chicken alfredo. 

We terminated our parental rights a couple weeks after Emma was born, and me and my x-husband filed for a divorce that same week. In June of 2009 his probation was revoked from the charge I had filed against him in December and he was put in jail for 45 days.

Our divorce was finalized on October 16, 2009, coincidentally exactly one year from the day I moved out.

Bob, Tracy, the kids and I keep in touch a lot, and it is a very open adoption. James is familiar with my family, and Bob and Tracy are comfortable with them calling my sisters "Aunt". I am just called Kayla, but James is catching on quickly to that and it makes me even more hopeful about my future relationship with him. I get to see them once or twice a month, which is awesome! I know that God orchestrated this whole situation with Bob and Tracy, before I even got pregnant, so that the relationship was there when I needed it.

This whole thing was never easy, and it still isn't. Seeing people with babies makes me cry, and seeing my own kids makes me cry. It is one of the hardest things I have ever, and probably will ever, have to deal with in my entire life. I know that there are people that hate me for the choice that I made, but they are the ones that wish they would have made the same choice themselves. But I also know that it was what was best for my kids. The unconditional love that they have now, from a mom AND a dad, is worth every second of pain that I have had to go through.

I have gone from being a married mother of 2, to a single adult. And I know that this will affect my life, and hopefully other peoples in a positive way. I just know that God has used me to bless Bob and Tracy's life, along with the lives of my two children. My dream is that this story will touch someone’s life. Only one person, that is all I ask, and if it does, I would do it ten times over.


  1. Kayla,
    your story touched me so deeply! Your an amazing woman! I appreciate your story so much! Thank you! Your beautiful! Your love and example is, I can't even express what it is... because I am in awe of you! Thank you for sharing your story. Your in my thoughts and prayers! Your an amazing person!

  2. wow! you are an incredibly strong and amazing person! thank you for sharing your story :)

  3. Kayla!! I knew this whole story before i read it and still cried!! You are one amazing girl and i love you!!

  4. Knowing Bob & Tracy for quite a while now, I saw their pain and now I see their joy. Without you, Kayla, their dreams of becoming parents might not have come true. I love James and Emma so much and Maddy (my daughter) absolutely adores them too! Because you stood up and said, "I need help and can't do this on my own," you went from child to adult. You knew what would be best for your children and you set your our pain aside to better them. That is a true parent, you give of yourself and give up things to make the best life you can for your kids. God bless you now and always for your obedience to Him and your sacrfice. ~Katie from Radiant

  5. Thanks Guys! :) I really appreciate all the positive feed back on my story. My plan, in the long run is to get it out to as many people as I can, and change the world. :) Haha, I'm shootin for the stars.

  6. Kayla you are truly a beautiful person, inside and out. Your story touched me like only a birthmom would know =) I had a horrible time dealing with my decision to place my 2 week old daughter at the time - I can not imagine having had her several months and then having to make that decision. I am so happy to see that you are in contact with your babies' family, that is so important and has helped me so much throughout my journey =)


  7. Despite having been through everything you've been through, Kayla, you have managed to keep your head on your shoulders and refused to fall into "victimhood". You are an amazing beacon of strength not only to other women, but also to those adorable babies as they grow up to understand their adoption story. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

  8. What an amazing story. Kayla, thank you SO much for sharing this. What a loving, intelligent and beautiful person you are.